Episode 19: "Are people from New Jersey super touchy?" Booktok Reviews and the Pursuit of Happiness

Anything else to add? Well let's see. ⁓ I sought happiness. I buried my soul. I pleaded for physical affection. What more could I do? We need that on a t shirt. Welcome back to catching up with Livin' It, Liz and Evie. Living with Liz and Evie. Living and Liv. ⁓ Did you miss us? Probably. You totally did. It's okay to admit that. Yeah. We're here for you. Just but we're back. Evie's back in Puerto Rico. You would think that we would have recorded together while she was here, but man.

Man, ⁓ man. Life gets busy. Now let me tell you what. Life fill up. It gets busy. Bam. It was nuts. I mean, here's what here's the here's how you know recording a trying to record a podcast episode would have been nuts. So ⁓ the only time I saw Liz was after dropping my mom off for a surgery at the hospital at like seven thirty AM on my way back to my desk and my laptop. So like we had a bagel together for an hour and that is all we saw of each other.

Yeah. It was beautiful though. It was great. But it had to be in between hospital and work. Like that's the only time we got. Yeah. But we took that time. We did and ⁓ and it was important and it was nice and it wasn't recorded, so you're lost. And we were chatting and I was it was literally like I really reminded of me of just recording with you. Like 'cause 'cause I was like, So tell me about your week, you know what I mean?

And I and like tell me about these thoughts and then we like had a specific topic we talked about. I forget already. No, I don't, I don't forget. anyway. I kind of forgot, but I kinda forgot too much. And also the week before that I was struggling to even get an episode out. So it's been a struggle bus. But you've been busy. Work has been busy for you. It's been it's been a busy time. It's been a very busy few months and and I keep saying it because it keeps being true.

⁓ but yeah. Yeah. I don't know. But here we are, we're back. But here we are, we're back. Here we are, we are back. I still feel very in touch with New Jersey. I've just been reliving my memories of the weather and the trees and the people. And you know New Jersey, you got good weather. Seriously. It was like perfect. Nice, like cool mornings. You wear a sweatshirt and shorts. It got still like hot during the days, but it w it really wasn't humid.

Not even a little. Yeah, it was nice. We're getting a lot of like rain and humid this week. Not super hot, but not as definitely not as nice as it was in when you were here. So you really left out. But for you to get like be able to get a break from humidity, I feel like is huge. No, it was like medicinal, truly. Yeah, believe it. ⁓ I just loved it so much. And like obviously, I know that's just that's just a blip.

Like New Jersey has that moment of gorgeous weather. And before like fall is gonna be stunning. Mm-hmm. And then winter will be terrible. But hopefully not that terrible. Fingers crossed. Hopefully not. Hopefully not. I keep seeing, do you know what El Nino is or El N El La Nina? Yeah. El Nino. Yeah. It affects life. I bet. Okay, yeah, naturally. They I don't can't tell you exactly what they are, but basically it's like weather related. ⁓ and it affects the entire globe.

But apparently this winter is going to be a huge El Nino. And I think I think what that means for the northeast is that it'll be a more mild winter. Like warmer than normal. I think so too. So what that means for me is that it really protects us from hurricanes. It like that's why we've had so much dust is because of El Nino. And I believe they're related. And ⁓ it like the storm, there's a storm called Dali and like it basically these storms hit El Nino and they just kind of like dissipate.

It acts as kind of like a shield. Also, that's probably wrong in some way, but all of those things are somehow related. Right. ⁓ I think it's good in some places and bad in others. I don't know. Same with the most part, if El Nino is doing its job, we get less hurricanes here. Perfect. And it's gonna be a good El like a strong El Nino this year. Through the winter. It's been we're already hitting one.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm I would like you to not have a terrible winter. That would be huge. We had a terrible winter last winter. So I need a break. Wait, I was thinking, ⁓ I went for a jog today, which Whoa. I don't wanna brag. But I do wanna brag. It was like three miles, like this little jog. That's a that's a run. That is. Mm-hmm. It is. But I say jog because I was going like purposefully and not purposely, it was like We are going to stay at a jog pace.

We are not going to run. I'm not trying to have to. Yeah. And I'm just trying to move my body a little bit more. And I find that if I tell myself I'm gonna go on a walk, it sounds optional to my brain. Yeah. But if I say you're going on a run and then it turns into a walk, I'm okay with that. You know? That's where I'm at right now. I like that. I'm playing tricks on me.

Yeah. And it's working. ⁓ I was on my jog and I was like, you know what would be funny if we had just like a shout out of the week as like a segment on here. ⁓ cute. Okay. So don't tell me you didn't bring a shout out for this new segment that you I have a shout out. Okay. I have a shout out. I was just giving you a minute to collect your thoughts and me as well collecting my thoughts.

This week's shout out goes to my mom, Arlene the Dream. ⁓ she recently got engaged and she's super happy and I got to see her when I went home and just be we had such a nice time together. and, you know She wants to go find wedding dresses, could go do wedding dress shopping. It's just adorps. So shout out Arlene. Also, she doesn't listen to this. So like if I post this on Instagram, maybe she would she'll probably see it.

Who would your shout out of the week be, Liz? ⁓ my shout out of the week. But I'll shout out Andrew, Coachunco. ⁓ I guess maybe myself was in there too. We did a series of videos that we've been posting. There's a few more to go, but they're so funny and they've been doing well. And I'm like, okay, I wanna shout out Coach Hunko. Like Yes. He's he's done a good job with that account. Follow Coach Hunko on his Follow Coach.

yeah, and he has some programs on there too, if you're interested in a workout program. ⁓ you can purchase one that he's posted. But yeah, I just think he's done a good job. with that account.

Good job, Andrew. Good job.

I would shout out Connor next, but like I think that's enough for this today. He'll he'll be shout-outable next week as well. Yeah, for sure. There's always a shout out. There's always a shout-out. I love it. ⁓ so I don't know, this was on my mind. On my TikTok feed, I'm curious. I feel like we should also maybe another segment is like it may not be that different week to week, but to say what has been on our feed and it gives a little I like that.

What's on your FYP this week? So FYP Besides the usual things that you can expect, like mom stuff, breastfeeding stuff. Okay. ⁓ I've been getting people that live in Alaska. ⁓ this one woman I just saw, they have two big freezers outside and they don't have access to the town in the winter. So they're doing their last big shop in September. And they just have to like stock up these freezers. And she started in May, but like they don't have access to the town.

Whoa. They just have to rely on like the food that they stock up. And they're gonna like go moose hunting to help. Talk about a diet. Yeah, the first comment was played. What do you do when you want a little snacky snack? That's literally. I was like, they really gotta plan those snacky snacks. I know. Isn't that crazy? Wow, I guess you get really into one snack. Or no, you gotta diversify. You gotta diversify on a generator?

I ha that's the one video I I saw of her. Another video I saw was someone I think she was in Alaska because of the military. Like they were stationed there. Sure. But she just lives on an island there and she went to a coffee shop on the water. It's like this like beautiful river. They're driving home and they see a Kodiak bear that's right there. Beautiful. Yeah, gorgeous scenery. I do really want to go to Alaska.

It's on my list. Yeah, it would be really cool. Now's the time to go, or like even last month. No, but you give up inconvenience. You gain in nature. That's just like how it goes. Just how it goes. Exactly. This is on my feed. That was a fun one on my that's like kind of been on my feed for a while, but yeah. Everyone's an Alaska video. ⁓ you know who's on my feed? I forget. I think her name's like Emma.

It's like Emma Sparbadillo or something like that. I don't really remember. But ⁓ she's like a homesteader in Montana. And I've been following her for a while, but I don't like I don't scroll as much as I used to, thank God. Gracias adios. but when I so I've been following for a long time, she was just kind of like a ranch hand. Like she would go and I don't know what technically her name was or her title was, but like literally moving cattle.

She like lived out of a trailer with like her two horses. She had a bison at one point and like the bison died at some point. It was so sad. And she she was like she has this whole story. And it's a very like cool story that I've I've absorbed over the course of like five years. Like it's not like I like consumed her content constantly keeping up. But every now and then I check in on her and she b ended up buying a piece of land in Montana, I believe, and just has built this like rundown cabin into this like beautiful homestead where it's not like beautiful, like perfect.

It's just like sh she shows you her just like blocking up holes against the wind, you know what I mean? Like it's really piecemeal just like put together. But you can just see her make it her own. And she now has like a duckhouse and she's like you know, growing all these things and I don't even know. She just has such a good aesthetic because it's genuine and it's so farmy and she has all these animals and she has like these John Deere machines that she's trained herself on and she's building horse pins.

She's like herself. She lives by herself. she had like a brain injury no. Is that a different influencer? I think she had a brain injury at some point and like got I had like a really destabilizing accident and like rebuilt her life again. Like I don't even know. She's just been through it and rebuilt her life like from scratch and created this life for herself. She's not from this life. She's like pr a regular girl from like a suburbia somewhere.

And just like went out there and just like should have left with that. I know. I that's what I mean. I forgot like her story. I'm not like diehard watching her shit. She's from the Bronx and she just ⁓ I don't think that, but like I don't maybe like Ohio. Like I don't know. I don't think I did today look up like staying at a dude ranch in Montana or Wyoming. We were meant to go do this.

I know. Honeymoon thirteen, baby. That's right. Honeymoon thirteen. We were gonna take a trip. Yeah. For ⁓ Maria and Cedric when they needed to potentially get plane tickets to come home. How much was in there? I I don't know. I forget I think it might have been close to a thousand. No way. Well it wasn't like it was sitting in my family's house for years. For years. Like anyone would just like go in and add. It was like a one of those gallon like a five gallon water jug.

A five gallon water jug thing. Yeah. That is crazy. It it wasn't full. I mean I don't think I contributed a More than a dollar to that probably. So Yeah. Had your name on it though. Ha had my name on it. That's that's kind of how I like to live my life. Exactly. It was like a we 'cause it was right by the door, so if you were like just had change, you would like toss it in.

A grand is nuts though. It might have been like eight or nine hundred, but it might have been a thousand. It doesn't even matter. More than a hundred is shocking to me. Yeah. ⁓ yeah. ⁓ it was a decent amount. I think I might be Saving it for a rainy day. Literally. ⁓ but I was looking up a dude ranch. I'm like, that looks so fun. But also they're fucking expensive. I know. This is I'm like, all I wanna do is go like can you just give me like a a like a bed on the ground in the horse stall, like a tent?

Yeah. Like the thing is they have those for sure. It's just not the But they're probably still like expensive. Maybe. But yeah. Like if you just like go like if you're a camper and you're like, I'm gonna go camping in There's definitely like a work to do that. Like a what do they call it? A work ⁓ not a work study, but like I know what you mean. I can't think of it. Volunteer type of thing, but yeah.

⁓ like they do it with the hostile thing. Yeah, exactly. There's a word for it. I don't know. So yeah, there is That's cool. What else is I'm I've I've been getting a lot of Kelly Clarkson ⁓ song covers. That doesn't surprise me for you. A lot of singers Yeah. TikTok is a lot of singers, which I love. Sometimes when I'm scrolling and like a song comes on or like a singer, I'm like, it's beautiful. But then like I want to stay and listen because A, I like it, and B, I want this to stay on my algorithm, but I'm not in the mood for long videos.

For sure. I also have been getting a lot of like Scottish Highlands content and then like Irish singers and our people speaking Irish. Okay. ⁓ the Irish are on my feed. I keep them there. Love Yes, exact exactly. If they don't show up, I go find them. I search for the Irish because I want them there. Yes, for sure. That's cool. So speaking Irish or like doing anything in Irish. Or singing in Irish. Even better. I know.

⁓ back on my feed, it it's always slightly there in the background, but Because season two started filming, I have heated rivalry edits. I still need to watch. You've still ⁓ my god, list. Because we don't have HBO. I'm not just gonna get That's fair. I'll give you I told you I'll give it to you. Honestly, yeah, I'll take well, yeah. When we next time we ha don't have anything to watch, I'm texting you for HBO login.

⁓ like as in we don't have anything to watch, like we have nothing to do. Sometimes when I have nothing to do and want something to put on I do just put on a random episode of Heated Rivalry 'cause it just makes sense. It sounds like something that would like it sounds like the show for that. Yeah. I did just binge a bunch of shit. I forget what though. ⁓ wait, I kinda didn't the heated rivalry ⁓ genre.

I just yesterday I hung out with some friends and came back with the full intention to do like two chores and instead, because I'd had a few beers I laid down on my bed and I just read an entire book. Hmm. And it was a book. Liz, I got got by TikTok again. My also my TikTok algorithm is full of book wrecks. ⁓ which for better or worse. Unfortunate thing is you can't trust a random book wreck on TikTok.

So I had a good no, and they're not but they're not random. These are curated. Like I'm only I really it's not like I trusted them and I'm looking these books up and I'm sampling them. I'm not like buying them blindly. And then This person had all her other recs I had read and I was like, I approve. And this one, it was called Ravishing the Heiress, which red flag. Red flag on the play. ⁓ No, so no smut.

But like just very poorly written. And and just like not good. It just was not good. See it was sad. It was like they were trying to write in this like weird Elizabethan kind of way, but not doing a good job. So it just felt modern but like weird. ⁓ but the person who wrecked I I like really thought it was going to be something because I was like, all right, I'll won't judge it by its cover.

But like literally its cover was a lie. There was no ravishing. Not until the very end, which is fine. But like It made no sense. It was not done well. That's sad. Yeah. I'm reading and I'm really enjoying Say You'll Remember Me by Abby Jimenez. It's my first Abby Jimenez book and like I'm I'm obsessed. Okay. So good. I don't think It's heard It's funny. It's like very sweet. You're bought in so much to both of the characters.

And yeah, I just it's really fun to read. ⁓ my one ⁓ I've only read one other Abby Jimenez book and it's called Part of Your World and it's exactly like that. ⁓ it's one of my all time favorite romances because it's a true romance. Like it's 'cause the author's in love with her book when she wrote it. Like it's just gorgeous. It it reminds me of like it's like the book that Jane the Virgin would have written.

⁓ That's what part of your world is, because it has magical realism. It has like flowers like floating down on top of them. But like only in that way is it magical, you know? I don't know. ⁓ so that sounds perfect the course for Abby Jimenez. So I should and I've heard good things about that one. Yeah, it's really sweet. I cried sweet. Or I didn't I'm not a big cry, but I did almost cry twice.

Like have the feelings of wanting to cry. Just like so sweet moment. Yeah. Yeah. I love sweetness. Mm-hmm. I can't stop and won't stop loving romance. I just I just can't. What yeah. Yeah. And like romance books like a it's like a rom com, but you're reading it. Yeah. And like when they're I didn't really like so much is Emily Henry. Yeah. Like I didn't find her the like two or three books I've read of hers like they're they were nice.

I liked reading them. But like I didn't like find her characters like funny or whatever, even like their banter. But there are books that do have that like funny banter that I love. And then also this one definitely has it. And I'm like, I just I really l love both of them. Hmm. Yeah. I just felt that way about part of your world. For Emily Henry. I liked her banter. But also I mean it's like anything.

Like if something's not your sense of humor, then it's not your sense of humor too. Yeah. And I also think of like ⁓ JoJo Moys has a such a variety of books, but she has a couple like really funny ones that are rom coms. Maybe it helps that like they're British and I listen to them, but just like like funny and goofy and like sweet stories. Again, like you just like feel like I you know the characters a little bit.

Yeah.

Yeah. More robustly. I totally get that. And I feel like I know your sense of humor, and I feel like Jojo Moyes, who is less my sense of humor than yours, but I wouldn't read her probably if you haven't recommended her my whole life. And I do really like them. Yeah. And I like that she's than Did you listen to the audible book I told you to? I did not, because it ended up not needing it for some reason.

I forget why. There's another book too that is less funny that sh it's newer I think it's all in the family, I think it's called. That I do think you would actually really like. I mean and I do like her. I it just like No, like it's like not without your recommendation I wouldn't have pushed through the parts that were like, huh. But I do really like her. Fair. But I'll read it. I gotta put her more on the list.

All in the family. I have been reading like I have so many books. It's crazy. I know. Who has the time? Not me. Another announcement, because we talk about talked about her on the last episode. But Sarah J. Mass. ⁓ that's right. Her new book is coming out, but it's like broken up into books. Right. I'm excited. I'll I will be reading. I'm excited for you. You know what didn't come out? Is that Everflame series. Still not out.

Or snot. Still not out. I think I'm baffled by that one. What something is like is she being held somewhere captive and we just can't get her out of it? Because it was supposed to be out literally a year ago. Let me see. But I have it pre ordered. Like let me see her website. Is there how that works if it never comes out? If the 'cause they have to refund everybody. Right?

La la la

Pre order your copy tonight. Still still here for pre order. Crazy. But like no dates. Where are the dates? Well the dates have been wrong like twice now, so. I know, but like, is there a new one? When will Burn of the I even reread I think the whatever the previous one was. Maybe even the whole series. Okay, it says September eighth? Liz, that's like next week. Is that for real? I don't know. I don't believe it.

Wow. Okay. Okay, it says it on her website, FAQ, the release date for Burn on the Everton is September eighth. I'm not rereading them again. I'm hoping I remember more. It would take me like a day. Those things are so short. I definitely read them twice, so I'm not reading it away again all the way back. Yeah, I'm not reading it again. Maybe like the last two chapters. I don't know. Well, if this book really comes out next week, we'll have our answers and that will be exciting.

I'm gonna need a recap. ⁓ anyway, so What was the topic you want to talk about today? So I feel like recently I was ta I was home and I was just chit chatting with everyone. I was just like absolutely fired up about cause you gotta like literally when I'm home, it's like I need to be doing cocaine or it's all going to fall apart. Like, another club, another club, bus, plane. Like unbelievable nonstop. And it was awesome.

And so energizing and so draining at the same time. But just so much fun. And I was talking to my little brother, to my little sister, to my mom, just like, you know, everyone wants to check in on my life and my grandma. You know, all the people who are invested in my happiness. Basically, I was talking to my peoples, and it just kind of dawned on me like I feel In my I don't know what it is right now, but I feel like if I I've like wake up knowing what I want.

And I feel like I have never known what I want. And it all comes down to I think me giving myself the space and time to be creative. I think that's truly what has done it. Like literally just like painting and like putting time aside to Let my brain be free and wander and whatever the fuck and like just having this room be mine to play with. And I really thought I've gone through so many different versions of like, okay, if I set this up and this up, like I have like a productive day and I'm just gonna keep that momentum going.

And I don't feel that way anymore. I feel very much like ⁓ No matter what I do to this room, no matter how many times I take it apart and make it a guest room and put it back together again. And no matter how many times I start a new hobby or I try watercolors or acrylics or podcasting or haikus or guitar, ukulele, whatever, it all like leads to the same place. And that same that and that place is just like it all comes together and builds the life I want.

And the life I want is where I just continue to have a space where I get to be creative. Like that's the whole goal. And I think understanding that no one can give that to me other than myself, like I I already know what I want and I and I have it, but it's I want more of it. You know, and that's and what I'm talking about, I don't even know. It's like time, space agency, like all of these things that I already have, and but I want more of it and I want more control over those things.

And that just crystallized what I want for me, which is like, okay, so that's what you're working toward. So you need a little bit more money to make that more of a sure thing. Okay, so how are you gonna get that money? And now I just like have ideas and like Maybe I want to buy a house and like I don't know. I'm just like thinking of life more of like, okay, you need resources. Go out and get some resources.

We're gonna we're gonna win this Catan game. You know what I mean? Who can I trade with for resources? Where am I setting up my my city in my town in my station? And I I just feel like it's it's kind of like a diet, like where I just I want something that's really sustainable and like that that desire and the the vision that I have for myself, which I've literally never had before, is so much more sustainable for whatever for maintaining that momentum, if that makes sense.

I hear that so much. And it's so funny because I've known you for my entire life and you have never said, I know what I want. That's the first time I've ever heard you say that. That's crazy. I know. It's just true. I love it. And and and I love it too. It feels incredible. And I was talking to Ben about it and I was like or maybe I was talking to Katie about talking to Ben.

Who can tell? Who can remember? And I was like, I really do think it's like I've figured out my brain a little bit more, not like fully, but I think it's just age and I think it's just figuring out a day and a system that works for me. And honestly I think it's just a truth that I have to accept that like I have to be I have to be moving and I have to be busy in order to be good at anything.

Like I can't be given too much downtime. I'm just not happy like that. And that's what I mean, like using the downtime well, like being creative and just giving myself the space to be creative and the tools to be creative. ⁓ anyone can do that. And and it's crazy. I just really do think literally like El Theanion, shout out I just feel like that supplement is really very good for my brain, like a nootropic or whatever the fuck.

It's I can sense the difference and I really do think it's helped me be clear headed and be able to focus. And then it's crazy. Just like Being consistent with something that's good for you. But not like, I don't know, finding something that's not I don't know, just like exercise good for your health or like eating well, nutrition like not something like that. It's like just something to feed your soul. Yeah. You know, like I it sounds so dumb, but I really do feel like that has made the difference in my life.

It's given me something I want I want something. Yeah. That's c and like you said, like I've never said that in my life. Literally never. Literally never. Like we've had so many conversations about like what do people with goals do? Truly. And like ambition, I still wouldn't even call this ambition. It's just like it's something that's driving me that's not a physical or emotional desire, if that makes sense. Like and it's not about someone else, it's about me.

I think there's like a the final boss of of knowing that no one can make you happy other than yourself. And like I'm assuming all of these major life lessons get learned over and over and over again because that seems to be my experience. But like i I have to s imagine there's different facets to that understanding. Yeah. No, they g they they get learned over and over and over again. But It's less of a of a ⁓ what am I trying to say here?

It's less of a shock every time you learn it. It's like it's more like a reminder. Like, ⁓ yeah. Like another layer of a foundation. There's like a little nudge. Yeah, exactly. Like, nope, this is what I'm here for. I love that. I think that makes so much sense. And something this is maybe related, maybe not, but I don't know if I read this somewhere, if I was listening to something and heard it, but I just remember hearing that.

Anything that you like dream of. Is possible because you can dream it. And then it makes me think of my life. And I'm like, I have always wanted to be able to travel. I want to be able to like spend a month in the winter. We had the nastiest winter last winter. And I was postpartum and it was rough. And I said, I want to be able to like spend a month somewhere else for one of these like January, February months.

That's kind of crappy in New Jersey. Like, I don't want to go through this winter again. But more so having the ability to do that and then doing it. So I'm like, how do I get that ability to have the freedom to work from anywhere and the funds to be able to live somewhere else for a month? And that's my like, okay, that's what I want. Now I have to go make it happen. But Yeah. Part of it too is like like we definitely don't have the funds right now to be able to do that or the like accessibility, like Andrew can't take a month off of work.

And I could do virtual work, but like right now it's not gonna happen. But I'm hoping by next winter it can. I think like you said, just having the want. A winter wand. A winter want. No having a want and a w like ⁓ I was I'm I've been like looking up Airbnbs in like warm places for February or January and just like seeing the cost. I'm like, okay, like It all all of that makes it more real.

And I'm like, okay, here's what like there's a real number to it. And that's the number that we'd have to get to. And there's places where it's not that expensive. Like it's very doable. We just have to be able to work remote, which we can't do right now. But yeah, if you can dream it, you can do it. And then also like find, like make it real in your head. Like I was also looking up, like I just would love to be able to do random things, like looking up a doodranch.

I want to go to Europe and like travel with Rio. And again, part of that is just not the life we have at the moment. But like creating that life is the ultimate goal. And it's not impossible. It just takes some flank. Not impossible, you know, exactly. Follow through. But I think ultimately we're so used to hearing people talk about like dreams and goals and purposes and it's career related where you or I have never had that, but we have like life.

Like I want my life to be this way. And then what career or what way of making money fits into that life? I feel like that's the the perspective switch I've had. One part of my perfect day is getting movement in every day. And I've been consistent with doing that and like getting outside with Rio and going on walks. but also Andrew works at lifetime and they have child care and I've only utilized it I think once or twice.

And I've brought him like Rio to lifetime a couple times, but I've actually only used the childcare once or twice. And part of it is because the timings are kind of tough to schedule. Like you have to schedule two hours before and it has to line. Like right now, the only available times are like either he'd be starting an app or ending an app. But I'm like, I feel like I can still make it work and book it even for a half hour.

So I'm like, I have this what's the word? I have this resource that is right there at my fingertips that I can use significantly more than I'm not. And I'm like, I would like to use it more. I just need to start. You know? Yeah. Part of it is just doing it. Scheduling is actually the bane of my existence. Yeah. Like it there's so many different things going on. I like literally can't imagine having my kids schedule as well as my own.

I think I would cry. I'd cry. Yeah. Yeah. I cry. Truly. but props to you for No, honestly, you I feel like kid scheduling, hot take or not, I don't know. I I only have one kid. It's not that hard. Well, they're with you most of the time still. Exactly. You just do what you want to do with them and the things you're doing is harder. I'm thinking more of like a five year old to thirteen year old.

Okay. Yeah, that's different. But fair enough. You're you have a kid and you're not there at that yet. But like You know what? You sh you can be in charge of the morning schedule and let Connor be in charge of the afternoon schedule. What a concept. And then they're in school during the day. I do look forward to all of the ways kids will force my relationship to change. I think it'll just be interesting. Yeah. You know, there's gotta be so much more trust.

Like obviously all the trust is there, otherwise you wouldn't have the kid. But like I don't know. I look forward to it. I really do. Yeah. It does grow yeah. That's the kind of thing I like that out of my control. Like none of that is in my control, how that really well, I mean, there's aspects, but The kid's gonna change shit, you know? It sure will. It sure will. Like it does and it doesn't. But it does.

Yeah. Like our life is relatively the same. But I think I think two kids changes you significantly more than one kid. Your life That makes sense. Like I think once we have two, it's like okay, we have kids now. Yeah. Because one kid if you ask for a babysitter it's just one kid, like they're the focus, the baby. If you it's a little bit easier to go out with one it's a lot easier to go out with one kid.

It's like you're just parenting a different place. So it's like you're still parenting. Mm-hmm. But it's definitely with I feel like with two kids, it's like you're one of you is on one and the other is on the other, versus like you're both on the like you're not really like parenting together so much. I imagine. And then there are different ages. I can imagine it being significantly harder and different. Yeah. Like people say what's harder, zero to one kid or one to two kids.

I've only heard people respond, ⁓ zero to one is harder. And I'm like, I very much think differently. And I've always thought differently that two kids is harder. And I think people who say zero to one kids is harder are people that maybe don't know what it's like or haven't like been around babies much. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. I think that's the key. Because every one of us. And Andrew fully knew. We're like, ⁓ babies are like we know what we're getting into.

For the most part, you can never really truly know what we knew. But like it's like you literally did know because we grew up very big families and all of our friends had very big families. And all like my brothers and sisters have said the same thing where it's like one is nothing. One is like learning together and that's fun. Yeah. But like you still pretty much get to sleep most of the time unless you have a very bad sleeper.

But then two is insane. Well, yeah, I yes, that's it that's exactly what And that makes perfect sense to me. 'Cause one, you're literally anything you're doing, or like parenting wise, like you're learning it together at the same time. Whereas with two kids your focus is completely split. So one of you is spending like the I'm sure the mom spends more time with the newborn and the dad spends more time with the toddler. So like you have to tell each other about those experiences rather than experiencing it together.

Which like can be interesting. Yeah, exactly. Different. But different. That's different. Wait, I have a random question for you. Do you feel and I don't know if you'll I don't know what you would compare it to, but like Do you feel that people from the Northeast are just a lot more touchy and like physical in their affection than other places, or no? I can't say I know too many people that aren't from the Northeast. Okay. But now I'm thinking, like, I don't think anyone's like overly touchy.

Like it's like a normal amount, but There's I this is my perspective. Or ⁓ and this might just be moving to like a different like a place with different norms and a different culture and things like that, but like not really. That's not really what I'm talking about. I'd actually say Puerto Ricans are very touchy. I don't know. Anyway home. So I think about this how do I want to phrase this? I feel like living here and making friends and growing your community, there is like like a trepidatious kind of thing where I'm just kind of like I'm always trying to suss out what the norm is without overstepping any people's bounds.

And I'm just so constantly checking in on other people and like seeing if like they're comfortable, I'm comfortable. Like I don't know. I'm also in customer service, whatever. I don't know. It can take a long time to get to a place where you're very comfortable with someone else ⁓ in your 30s. Like, I don't know. Where you get to the point of like casual. I don't even know what to say. Like touching? Yeah. But like there's no Okay, but as an example.

Like it's not what you're just No, it sounds terrible. It sounds super weird. But like pass by someone and like touch them on the shoulder. I don't know. Or like where you're like somebody says a joke and you're like, ⁓ my God, ha ha ha. Like Exactly. Or just like, you know, obviously it's different if I go home and I'm with my family, but like I went to like even like the Gallic wedding, which again is my family.

But ⁓ it's just like everyone is just like it's not even just saying hug hello. It's like literally like that, like laughing, like bumping shoulders, like grabbing of arms, just like grabbing of shoulders, you know what mean? And like and I know you're not like the touchiest person ever either. So there's that. But I don't know. I've talked about it with some people before and they say similar things of like There's just like that social there can be a social anxiety about like wanting to just be comfortable and like touchy feely with people and feeling like it's kind of like against the social norm to social norm to do so.

But my point in saying this is that I had a thought the other day, ⁓ while I was home, and like I think it was I was like at the wedding with JP and we were just like that's exactly what we're doing. Just like, you know Saying something funny, grabbing the arm and like just being like, ⁓ you know. Just so much physicality in the way we were communicating. ⁓ and I just and I don't have to think about it when I'm home at all.

Like I don't have to wonder if I've crossed someone's line by just being too like I've grabbed their arm and I've been like, you know what I mean? Like while I'm talking about bread, you know? Yeah. Like it's just there's like this physicality that I can completely unleash. when I go into New Jersey. The great country of New Jersey. And I miss it so much. Because I feel like anytime you're I'm having like an animated conversation Yeah.

Like you don't it's it's like not if you don't even realize it or you're like, ⁓ my God. I would never th exactly. Yeah. It's just like I and when I'm here for a long time. Yeah. Yes. I'm only aware of it because that's not how people act here. ⁓ or it's just not it's just not my experience leaving The Northeast. You know what I mean? And ⁓ and it gets exhausting. Like truly, there'll be days where I'm like, I can't why am I thinking so much about this?

Like Yeah. Which is such a weird thing. But anyway, again, my main point is I do think it's because of how we're raised with so many siblings, or just like big families, even if it's just cousins, where you're just like so used to have people just all around you all the time, even just like in close quarters. It's really just like about my w how much brain space it takes up for me. Yeah. Fascinates me. That it's fascinating.

And I talk about it with Ben sometimes and he he feels that way too about like like thinking about it all the time until like he's around his family where he could just expect that from what's like I'll come home and just like right. I'll just like wrap him in my arms randomly and hold and like I like need that. If I like I do that to Connor on the daily four hundred times a day. Like I need it.

But I need it from multiple sources. I don't know. Yeah. Why though? I don't know. I don't know. You've had it. I think yeah, it's just how you are. But then I think if like me and my sisters are like our friends from growing up and it's like that for sure. Like we'll just be hugging forever and having a conversation in a hug. Like holding. I like being held and holding others, like that's like a part like literally it's a conversation.

Like Mary Molnar, just like in one of my arms. Like No, literally. Yeah. It's also funny a slightly different note, but a lot of people in a s like a smaller space with big families and family gatherings. I want to do a montage of like just someone like in quotes like what's it like having so many siblings? And then just a montage of pictures of one couch with everyone sitting on the one couch. That's what I'm talking about.

That's it. That's what I'm talking about, Liz. Like I just want to be in a pile of people. Literally, like people over the top leaning over. Like just that's that's what it is. That's what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Like someone's leg someone's sitting on the floor and the other person's legs are your back rest. Exactly. And it's just what it is. Yeah. Sometimes I just really, really miss that. Especially when I just haven't been home in months.

I just some like I just need some mindless like physical affection. I think it's more so ⁓ people you like are very comfortable with. So of course your family. Of course people you like have known you for forever. and like I think the like maybe college friends can fall into that if you like share to dorm and stuff. But it's like people you've just had like familiar Familiarity with you've been in like comfortable spaces often with them where you can like relax.

Like it's not like you're like seeing people only at the gym or only like to go out to dinner, but like you're seeing them like or like not just for their house for dinner, it's like you stayed and you're playing games and chilling on their couch. And like that's when it like starts to seep in. Those are my thoughts on that. No, good thoughts. Anything else to add? Well let's see. ⁓ I sought happiness, I bared my soul, I pleaded for physical affection.

What more could I do? Amazing. We need that on a t shirt. No, no, a hoodie. ⁓ that sounds lovely. I know. I like don't need another hoodie, but I want another hoodie. I don't think I have a good one sometimes and it's like, ⁓ I need that. Yeah. I literally saw a random TikTok of someone going to a Rufus de Soul concert and the In Atlantic City? Maybe. Yeah, 'cause he was there last weekend. Amazing.

Yeah, that sounds right. Emily and Bobby were there and Emily's sister and their friends. ⁓ shit. And then also our other friends were there for his 30th birthday. Just happened to coincide, so then they were hanging out. FOMO. I know. well the merch looked fire and they had a sick hoodie and I won it. I don't even listen to Rupa's Del Fire. ⁓ side note. Do you follow ⁓ Aspen Ovard? Have you heard of? No, but the name Aspen, I feel like I follow someone with the name Aspen.

How many Aspens there be? Just look her up, go down the rabbit hole. Basically, she's from Utah. She knows some of the Secret Lives of Mormon Wives people, but wasn't on the show. But now they're doing a spin off Secret Lives of Mormon Wives in Orange County. She's gonna be on that. But here's her T. She had was on YouTube, got married, I think had two kids, maybe three. And then got divorced in like twenty I think it was recently, but I think it was like twenty twenty.

Moved to California. She's now in a thruple. Yes. Married couple. Okay, yeah, we were talking about it. No, tell me again. The married couple is from I'm pretty sure New Jersey, like South Jersey near near Philly. They would be from South Jersey. I know. I know. Moved to Orange County. And then I'm just obsessed with I I am fascinated by them. Active thruple? They're both stunning. And then they talk about it and they're like people who like DM us like, ⁓ thanks for normalizing this.

It's like you wouldn't even know who they are. They're like, this is more common than you think. And then talk about how it's like normal even for like ⁓ femme on femme like lesbians, because that's not as common. So like talk about that. Wait, wait, wait. So it's common it is common for femme lesbians to take a third? No, no, no. Just like in general, like femme and femme. I t to be attracted to each like they I feel like it's they're saying it's not showcased.

So so so Aspen's in a femme relationship and they also there's a man involved as well. Yeah it's a thruple. Like they're fully a thruple. It started So they're raising awareness for thruples and for femme relationships. Yes. It star yeah, I think it started as like basically Brie and her husband, I think they've been together for a while. But she DM'd Aspen because they were like Basically we're like, I want to explore my sexuality. With you.

Yeah, well, yeah, and then that's why she's like and I'm interested in you. So they met up. Okay, bold. See, when you know what you want No, literally can have it. This is Literally. If you don't know what you want, you'll never get it. You'll never get it. So Bri and Aspen started dating. Bree was still married to Billy. Through that, Aspen and Billy met. Love it. And then they they became a threpple from it. Threples, as little sense as they make to me, they also make perfect sense.

Exactly. No, th when Aswin came like she'll like just talk about it. She's like, I can't say too much because we talk about it a lot on the show. But she's like ⁓ I can't wait. No, I'm so excited to watch. When does this come out? I don't know. I don't I think late this year. She is like, it's just three adults in a relationship. Like logistically, it's amazing. Like there's three of us to manage two wives.

I know. I know. Amazing. Amazing. And like a functioning male. Get ⁓ if you can. Get him if you can. ⁓ No, here's what I'll say about Spunt. and it leads back to this extremely beautiful relationship that you have laid out for us. I find that people who can write and also just happen to want to write about sexual relationships, often, well, no, they're diamonds in the rough, but if you can find them, and I have, they just they dive into these, these subject matter and these very fascinating topics and relationship dynamics.

And like there's so much richness of communication found in these relationships. Like they have to operate if they're doing it well and in a healthy relationship. They have to operate at such a high level of emotional intelligence and communication that you wouldn't believe. And like that's just insane. Like I that makes me so curious. It's like the level of vulnerability and trust. Yes. ⁓ my gosh, that's terrifying. But you're like, no, that actually like why don't we all live that way?

It's worth a shot. Yeah. If you want that. If you want that. If you want that. I think yeah. And they just make it look so fun and easy. And I'm like, I yeah. It's so funny because all of the comments are like like how do you sleep at night? Like who sits in the front seat and like all these things. Logistically, I do want to know all of the answers to this. Who sits in the front seat is why sits in front seat.

Holy shit. I know. They did a video once. It's a great question. And it was Aspen and Billy in the video and Brie was in the backseat and she just like pops her head out for one answer and I'm like, This is weird. That is so funny. But like it's not. Cool. It's so fascinating. I know. Even just any kind of like queer relationship in general when explored in like any capacity and shared, like it I just find I just wanna like Because you know what it is?

At the end of the day, like they're people and they're normal people. And it's like such an abnormal way to live from what we're used to. But they're like, no, we're normal and we're doing this. No, that's what it is. It's access into a relationship, into a human experience that I don't have. Exactly. And we're not in and we're not exposed to in our day to day. Right. It's just another facet of the human experience. Exactly.

And like, please show it to me. Please. I would be so grateful. I love that. And people truly are like brave for sharing that. It makes me like it reminds me of whatever I forget the hockey book. ⁓ Liz, that's exactly what I've been thinking of this time. No, I know. As soon as you said communication, I was like, ⁓ that's what she's referring referring to. Yep. Well, I forget what it's called. ⁓ I know what it's called.

Should I tell the audience? ⁓ It's called Pucking Around. But it's like that, but it's people's real life. People's real life. And yeah. Yeah. And I don't need to know their the sexual nature of the relationship. That's not what I want. Right, exactly. What I want to know is like The richness of your relationship. I mean, yeah, like I got some questions. Yeah. If you got answers, that'd be great. It was funny. Do you know Becca Moore?

No, no, I know no one you follow, apparently. Clearly not. Clearly not. She was a TikTok or Becca. ⁓ is it TikTok or now she's Two O's? Yeah, two O's. ⁓ O O R E. She's funny. She talks very like dry and sarcastic. And it's funny. Okay. But she came out and was dating someone and then was talking about sh she had Aspen on her podcast. Mm-hmm. And they were talking about it. And Becca was talking about how she's had bad experiences with lesbians, which is like not the norm.

⁓ she's like somehow I'm like a b I have like a bad picker or something like that. And then they were talking about like sex and then not explicitly at all. But I forget what they were saying. And Becca was just saying how she's like curious or wants to try whatever different things. Then Aspen was like, come over. Like come over. We'll make sure you get a good time. And I was like, Okay. See, that's fascinating.

I know. That's fascinating to me. Talk me through how you lead up to that, go through that. And then the after. Like what's going how are we protecting relationships? Like they as a thropple are gonna hook up with I'm so intrigued by that. But it's just about like having fun and helping a girl out in a way. Like No, but I'm so for that. Like I know. Like I'm like, so excited. That's great. I was laughing.

I was like, that is amazing. It's so funny how some people won't even so free too. Agreed. Agreed. But like obviously there's such a you're operating at a level, I would imagine, I would hope, of respect like for for all your partners. That's just like so I don't know. I just want to hear It comes through and have it. It's so funny to me. Like some people are so private they won't even like tell the internet their favorite color and other people can have all these boundaries, but none of them include not telling the internet.

Like it's fascinating. It is fascinating. You know, I'm grateful for all kinds. It takes all types, you know? Takes all types. Takes all types. Now I'm just thinking of all of the different types of relationships there are. Like You know, there's poly and all of that and like but that's to me, I mean, obviously there's aspects to all these relationships, sexual relationship, like ⁓ relational, whatever. There's all these different ways that everyone is relating in these relationships.

And that's the part that I just find so interesting. We just don't you don't hear about all of the different ways you can be in someone's life. And a lot of times in these polygamous relationships or households, there's like seven adults and like five kids and like everyone is partnered differently and some of them are never in a sexual relationship with the other. And it's like there's just so much I just find it very interesting. And like obviously it's just like taboo for our society.

So we don't get to get any of their insight into their lived experience unless you go really looking for it. ⁓ which I understand to a degree. I just I don't know. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It always makes me think of like ancient civilizations. And I'm like, w this was probably so normal. Yes. And I'm like, if you're like in a small community where everyone's like raising each other's kids and like this is like your group of people.

I don't know. I can like definitely Yeah. Picture it. I can totally see it. And I can very much see how realistically, like, our society is not set up that way. And that's just not the norm for us. Well, even though And I totally I'm not saying like Yeah. There's two people. Yeah. It's two people. You know. Mavage Wings. Two people too better. This has been catching up with Lisa and Evi, where we talked polygamy and mavage.

What an episode. What an episode. I mean we were going right then left. We were zigging and zagging. Yeah, we were zigging and zagging. So go do something creative. Follow your dreams. Follow Feed your souls. Alright, love you guys. Love you, Abby. Love you. I love you Liz. Okay, bye.