"I love you, securely" Liz and Evy take the Attachment Styles quiz

Like, ⁓ my god. Like, what do you mean you don't want me to tell everyone about everything about your life? What do you mean you want me to keep secrets from the world? You don't want me to tell everyone about that very personal experience you just told me? Welcome back to catching up with Liz and Evi. Good morning. It's a beautiful morning.

I just I can I don't have a It is a beautiful morning. It feels like fall a little bit here.

Yeah, I can da I I could sense that from here.

Pinju, is it my sweatshirt?

Is it my sweatpants? I don't know. ⁓ I'm also wearing

Wearing sweatpants. Love the temperature. I don't know, like seventy something this morning. It's definitely gonna warm up and it already has warmed up.

That would be chilly for me, which I love. Which is This is ⁓ readers. Listeners, I just sent Liz photos of a notebook that I decorated and I'm loving her reaction. This is very good. ⁓ Thank you. Isn't that so sweet? I feel really proud of it. I like wrote ⁓ in the first page of the journal, I like wrote like the card or whatever. I very much don't know how to give good gifts, but like

This gorgeous. So beautiful. ⁓ very sweet.

Every now and then something makes sense. This made a lot of sense.

You do write a really good card. Like you might not be the best gift giv giver, self proclaimed by you, but you make good cards and notes.

Thanks. Yeah. And you know, I really haven't written one in a while, so Yep. But also

out of practice. That makes you extra cheesy in the best way. I have to say you talked about like color theory or whatever, and that's what or like you nailed it with this notebook. The colors look so I'm so gravitated to looking at it.

Thank you, I think. I'm like sad it's not with me. Like I wanna look at it. It's really weird but I've looked at that photo many times just to be like, ⁓ yeah, okay, that's what I did there and there. But yeah, these I'm telling you, these these these little acrylic pens, I think I found my medium. They I feel so free. I'm gonna put the link, link in the bio in the description if you're on YouTube.

Which by the way, checked YouTube this morning. We got two new subscribers, we're up to twelve.

Yeah, it's really nice. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's amazing.

Amazing. Yay. Twelve YouTube subscribers. If you're one of the twelve, I love you. Also, that means I love myself because I am one of the subscribers. The insane.

The same. ⁓ I have to go subscribe on Andrew's too, actually.

⁓ yeah, I should probably get Connor on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone get your get your significant others, your friends, your moms, just make them subscribe on YouTube, please.

All right. Appreciate that. what were you gonna say about last night? You were going to bed?

So I was supposed to go to a workout this morning, but last night I was watching some TikToks as I fell asleep and then my phone died and I was like, Well, if that's not a sign to put your phone down and then there's no like my charger wasn't plugged in and like Connor was snoring, so I was like, I can't move the bed to plug my charger in and then like I don't even know. So I had to pl I had to charge my phone overnight in a different room.

So I kind of just like was like, Well, I guess I'll wake up when I wake up. And I woke up too late to go to the workout. So so because we're talking about fall, I'm like now I'm having a slow morning by accident and it feels very like I got my A C on and Yeah, it's cool. I'm cozy. I'm doing, you know, I'm reading articles. I'm preparing for my podcast with my cousin. It just honestly, Liz, I think this is my perfect this is what I want my days to be like.

I found it and it's it's creating art. Like I love that. I just want to create. And I I feel very like I feel like so often creatives are stuck in that like I'm trying to figure out what to create, how to create, when to create, and it just never clicks. And so you're constantly just like I don't know why I feel frustrated, but I feel frustrated. And right now I just feel like I have the what, I have the when, I have the how.

I like, you know, I feel very like in something right now and it's really, really nice and I feel proud of us for making that and I'm just happy.

Really, really nice. I me too. I l like the last week especially I've been waking up. Like, okay, we're like doing this. ⁓ we're making something that we're proud of, which is really nice. Like researching this morning, we were talking about fall vibes, like it was cozy, a little bit cooler. I'm like researching an article, feels like school, but in a good way. Like the part that I miss a little bit. Right. Something new. Got my notes right now.

I'm literally like taking notes. I'm like, ⁓ my gosh, I feel like I'm in class.

Right. Me too. I'm so excited.

Yeah, exactly. Like I was like, This is really nice. It's

So nice. And I think the best part for me is that it's so imperfect. Like we're so imperfectly doing this. Like and we're and we're very okay with that and we talk about it. Yeah. And I think that's the best part because I feel so good about it. Exactly. Exactly. We're not like talking about doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it.

Doing it too. We're doing it. We're doing it our way too, in a way that is like true to us, makes sense to us, which means there's no pressure on it. It's just a want to be able to do it and that feels good.

Anything to report on how your weekend was?

It was a good weekend, honestly. ⁓ we recorded on Thursday and then Thursday night we ⁓ went to our friends for dinner. With like our friend group, we've randomly been doing Thursday night dinners. Someone will like pop in the group to host. So I'm like, I gotta throw one in there. a date in there for August. But it's just so nice. We brought Rio, we set up the pack and play in one of the rooms upstairs.

Nice.

And like we could have left after like an hour and a half when he was ready to go to bed. But we were like, let's just bring it and kind of like see where what happens. So we set it up in the room upstairs, got him to sleep, and then everyone went to the basement. We had like a little ping pong tournament. We like were hanging out until 10 30. And then it was a really easy transition from getting him, like I fed him, we put him in the car seat, fell asleep bad in the car, and then just transferred him to bed.

And I was like, no, that was definitely worth it. Which was really nice. That's awesome. Yeah, that was fun. It was a parenting win. We did the same thing the next night at my parents' house. Nice. ⁓ Yeah, we had so my sister is home. My older sister's home from Lebanon, so we just had like a family dinner on Friday. So we went over and like same thing. I like, I just don't wanna be like stuck to leaving by a certain time.

And they already have a

So That's a parenting when. Yeah.

⁓ pack and play set up there permanently 'cause they watch my nephew every week. ⁓ so just put him to bed there and then same thing, like packed him up and left when we were ready to go. And it worked out decently well. So yeah, two like really nice dinners with friends and then family. And then Saturday, ⁓ we were s I was we had a beach day planned with s some of my friends, a like a girls' day, but it poured all day.

And like torrential. So we canceled the beach day and then my sisters actually came over and we painted. We got lunch. We painted and it was so nice. And then Andrew had ⁓ our friend's first birthday their son's first birthday party so he and Rio went to that. Cute. ⁓ so yeah my sisters were just over, we're like hanging out. It literally w they came over like a little after twelve and then like we're just like chatting like ⁓ my I can't believe it's this time.

I can't believe it's time. And then five forty rolls around. Like Andrew and Rio get home. Whoa. We're like, ⁓ my god. But then we like went our separate ways, went home, and then we reconvened. My mom came over to watch Rio, we put him to bed, and we went out and got drinks for like two hours we were out. So yeah, it was so nice. So me and Andrew, my sister Celine and her boyfriend, and then Marie, my older sister, who's here.

Which was so nice. And then Sunday we were back at my parents and We watched the ⁓ World Cup final, which was so fun. But crazy long game. But Spain won?

Yeah, it really was Crazy Lame. Spain won. Well deserved.

Well deserved for sure. But yeah, it was it was a really nice weekend, a lot of fun.

⁓ that really like warms my heart. I love hearing that. Especially like all that quality time with the sisters. What did you paint?

I can grab it if you want.

Yeah. Perfect, perfect. Sip my tea in silence. Listeners, what is your tea of choice? I'm drinking a lady No, that's not true. I'm not drinking Lady Gray. Earl Grey is my fave, but

We did watercolors, which I'm not very good at. So this is mine.

Okay. Pretty good actually. Watercolor is just so hard. That looks so good. I love it.

It really is. So Thanks. I think a little bit more contrast to it, but whatever. Thanks. And then Celine's I really like is cool.

I like the colours though. ⁓ shit, okay.

Selena's like, I hate watercolors, so she made it as like acrylic y looking as possible, which is cool.

I can see. I can see. No, it is so dark because watercolors is so like it's so minimalist. Watercolors is like, what can you do with the teeniest amount of pigment and then build? Which is once you master it, I bet is really satisfying. But getting there is so frustrating.

No, there's some beautiful watercolor.

⁓ it's it truly is so stunning.

When they're done yeah, stunning. But it's so h it's pretty much obvious, like beginner novice, yeah, experienced, et cetera, et cetera.

Less is always My weekend was lovely. It was also full of like just good quality time. Summer, I've said this many times. It's just very busy and the weeks are very full. This week will be no exception to that. ⁓ so Friday I was like the first slow morning I had in a while. We got to chat. We had such a nice FaceTime and planning sesh for our lives. And ⁓ Saturday I did a workout and then my friend had her birthday party, which was so fun.

It was just you know what was really funny is So the invite on this birthday was one PM and and I was like, you know, it was a we were play kickball, we were in my head we you know, we're having just like a nice little barbecue and it was gonna be full of activities. So I was like, Okay, and w the invites had water guns. I bought water guns. It was not necessary to get water guns, but I brought ⁓ And so around one, and I'm like finishing this notebook.

I like go to work out, I come back and I'm like, okay, I need to put more flowers here, more more green, more of this, more of that. And as you saw, like this thing is about layering. Like you really need to layer. That's what makes everything pop. Anyway, so I'm doing layers on layers and layers. And ⁓ at like twelve forty five, I'm like, fuck, like, I gotta get ready to go. And ⁓ I'm like, At least I don't need to look pretty because this is a a sporting event.

So I I'm rushing around, throwing things in the car. Connor and I head out. It's like twelve fifty when we head out. I have a pin for this. In Puerto Rico, you need a pin. If you don't have a pin, good luck. We have a pin. Like a like a Google Mac a a location. Yes. So I have the pin, I pull up the pin, we're going. It says twelve minutes away. We head out. We're up into we go up into the the hills a little bit.

And those are teeny tiny roads.

Okay. ⁓

So we're going around, we're in these these neighborhoods, it's like a labyrinth. It's like one way streets, but not one way streets. There's people everywhere. It leads us, this pin leads us to this hill that's like just a straight shot down. And at the bottom of that hill is a gate. A gate that looks like it hasn't been opened in six hundred years. So we do not go down that hill because we've we know better. So then I'm like, okay, I don't know.

Yeah.

It says to go there, and I'm like looking at like the the topography of the area. And I'm like, okay, there's no other way into that area, it says. There's not like a road, the a public access road that leads there. But I know we all know that like it's not that's not the road to go. So we just start like driving. But there's nowhere to like stop and there's nowhere to like turn around because it's just residential and everyone has a gate.

So it's like you really have to like keep. going or just stop in the middle of the road. So many times. So anyway, we just head around. I call my friend. I'm like, hey, where is it? It's like 1 fifteen at this point. I'm like, we're lost, like, where are you guys? And she's like, ⁓ well, I just left from setting up and I'm like in the shower. ⁓ I was like, you're in the shower ⁓ okay.

Am I like, ⁓ sorry, wait, what what time does this party start at? She's like, well, you know, like y you know Just let me shower and like, all right. She's like trying to give me directions. Like, there's like a safety cone. There's like a s there's like a traffic cone. I'm like, I don't know where I am, let alone where a traffic cone is. So I'm like, ⁓ just like go shower. Like, I'll call someone else.

Like, I call my friend Cassandra. She's like, Yeah, I'm like, we haven't left yet. I'm like, Okay. she's like, Girl, this is Puerto Rican time. I don't know what you're doing trying to get there at one PM. I was like, That is so funny. I mean, like, I know that. I'm not an untimed person, but like I'm here to play kickball.

Yeah, like I'm excited for

I'm excited for this. Like I have my gift. I have so and then I call my friend whose actual birthday it is. Cause I'm like, also I'm like, I want I don't know, it's like a sign of respect. Like, hey, I'm trying to show up for you. You know what I mean? I'm like, to me it's not rude to call her. I call her, she's like, ⁓ okay. ⁓ and she's like, all right, so she's trying to like walk me through it.

She goes,

It's so funny.

By the way, like I'm getting dressed right now. I'm like, ⁓ okay, you're at your house. Like she's like, come to my house, we'll leave together. I'm like, Where are you? I'm like, so no one's going to this birthday party. It was so funny. And eventually

That is so funny. Thinking like you got the time wrong or something. No. No.

No, just everyone knows not to show up. So anyway, eventually I and literally she sends me a pin to her house. I'm like, okay. And as I'm going to her house, I see this random traffic cone with balloons on it. And I'm like, ⁓ my God, that's where the party is going to be. I'm like, Connor, go. And like the directions that were like sent to me in the ether finally make sense. And so we like follow these balloons, but the balloons lead us to another residential neighborhood with a gate.

And I'm like sending pictures to people, like, is this someone's house? And they're like, Yeah, that's someone's house. And then they call me back and they're like, they're setting voice notes, like, go through the gate. You're gonna be on a field, but that field's not the field we're gonna be on. Drive through the field in your car. I'm like, Okay. Again, I'm the only one trying to show up to this party at this point. There's no one else to follow.

Like I'm just imagining them on the phone or sending voice nates voice notes. They're like in the bathroom, like, okay, so like you're gonna go through the field and like putting on like mascara

Exactly. Like they're like picking outfits and like Literally. You know, people are riding the air of ice. You know what I mean? Like So eventually I literally like find my way I drive through her mom's lawn. ⁓ my god. To a back road that like eventually circles a field, drive across that field, park in the shade in the field. I am the only car at this party.

Really exactly. Thank God for the balloons.

Thank God for the balloons. So at like one thirty I show up for this party and after leaving at twelve fifty, it's supposed to be twelve minutes away. Anyway, we show up. I think it's it's very much a funny story. One other person shows up and immediately has car trouble. So eventually h gets their car towed. So anyway, that kept us busy for a second. But anyway, people we did not play kickball till about four.

⁓ my gosh.

Really? I don't know why. It it was very much a family party. Like and but the family was showing up at like two thirty three.

Gotcha. So it's not like it was like a dinner reservation or something like that.

Not at all. We were grilling in public land. ⁓ it was so nice and so sweet and there was like a pavilion and bathrooms and a shower and like there was a whole situation there and like a grill and so it was so lovely and they had set up all this food and but basically people were there from like two to like ten PM.

Chris. Wow. What time did you stay until?

⁓ I think we got home around eight. And it was it was so fun. It was so You know what? I did really good. I feel like I really got my my kicks were all good. I got on bass every time. Thank you. And but I I did drop a catch once. I I know. ⁓ it's such a bad feeling, Liz. I made two errors.

Nice. Yeah. How'd you doing kickball? Nice. And out and have it be caught, then drop the catch. Yeah. I think most people would agree with that, but

I agree with that. I will say I kept a lot of my kicks low.

Good. Good. That's great. Thank you. I was never great at kickball, but I like wanted to be.

It's like way more coordination than people think, running and kicking the ball. Also, we used a soccer ball, which I did not hate. I I kind of

Yeah, yeah, yeah. ⁓ I was about to say I think I liked that better than a kickball. Exactly. Yeah. Like you can like know a a soccer ball's a bit more predictable and sturdy. Mm-hmm. That's fun. Did you watch the World Cup?

'Cause the kickballs are so bouncy. Yes. And then the next day we went and yesterday we watched the World Cup with the with those friends and that was very nice. ⁓ it was super fun. I think like I think I've learned a lot about football in this World Cup, which is the point. And I really enjoyed watching it. It's super I get why it's like the game of the masses, because there's no like equipment needed other than like the ball.

Yeah. There's there's fouls and some rules, but like You really get to see the personality of the countries. It's it's really such a beautiful thing.

People like Even the fouls are like it's almost like an understanding. Like they're a little bit vague. Sometimes they're called, sometimes they're not. Sometimes they're obvious. And like, yeah, there's controversy with it and stuff with especially FIFA. Right. I think. But ⁓ it's just interesting how like that all

Works. I agree.

And it's like not like a dis like they're a little bit grey is my understanding at least. Which

Yeah. Is pr probably not for the best.

But it's like a cut yeah, not for the wool, for like

For like the like who really won this, who really won that? Did that goal count or not? You know what I mean? That was crazy.

Yeah. That was crazy. Yeah. And then like the Egypt game was that was crazy. Right. It's like it's like those are the things where it's like if you're gonna call that and be that strict, you have to be that strict across the board, which they weren't being. So I think that's like Exactly. I think that's the like it's like people are like understanding this as this is a gray ish area, like that's not a foul like

Eight. They don't. Yeah.

Technically it is, but in the name of the game it's not because you're not gonna call that every single time.

I mean Argentina was literally shoving people.

⁓ yeah. But it's also confusing as a new person to watch because I'm like, Well then what is right and wrong? Like, okay, like how strict are we but are to

Exactly. I was gonna Yeah. I feel like this weekend was a big weekend of me sitting around while people talk sp in Spanish and I really I think I dreamed in Spanish last night. Wow. Like I really I could hear I couldn't stop hearing Spanish in my life as I went to sleep. And I I didn't hate it. I think it was good.

I think that's a s a good sign. You'll have to learn. Me too, I

I think it is too. You gotta learn. And that's what we're doing here today. We're learning. For whatever reason, we decided to talk about attachment styles today. I just it's something that I've literally had in the back of my head to like look and see if I should pay attention to those things. And I just never had.

We're learning. knew anything about it. I mean I could name them, but I couldn't tell you

Yeah, same. Yeah, I mean I think I could name a few, but I don't think I knew all four.

I think ⁓ same off the top of my head I definitely couldn't name all four, but as I like read all four, I like, Okay, I didn't know these are

Plus I did see some like not different ones, but some of them had the dash and some of them didn't. Like some of them were just like dismissive and avoidant, but not dismissive avoidant and fearful avoidant.

⁓ I don't even have dismissive on my list.

⁓ my god. All right. What are the four attachment styles you have?

I have secure, anxious, avoidant, and fearful avoidant. Okay. What do have?

Securely attached, anxious, preoccupied, dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant.

I read I I really just read one article from ⁓ Women's Health magazine. Nice. And yeah, they had like sources, obviously. Mm-hmm. But it was just like a ten minute read and it definitely a brief overview but insightful. So from this woman's health magazine article that I read, basically an attachment style is how you relate or attach to others. And it's like our most fundamental way to establish safety. And these derive from when you were a child, how your primary caregiver ⁓ related to you.

And then that as an adult has an effect on your adult relationships, primarily rel ⁓ romantic relationships, ⁓ but also with just adult relationships in general. So that's like the overall gist of it. Yeah. Is what I've learned.

Same. I hear I also that it's a theory. Yes. And it's not it's not these aren't and especially because we don't know anything about this, this is very much f an attachment style theory for dummies. ⁓ But ⁓ yes, for understanding behaviors is what I underlined as well. It almost made me nervous when I was reading about it, because I was like

Mm-hmm.

You know, it's that type of thing where it's very popular right now to identify with something, to be like, Okay, I'm anxious about it. I'm fearful about it. Which I don't find that super I I find it cool to know these things. For it's just good to be self aware. It's good to have a way to identify any kind of behavior in ourselves and things like that, if it will benefit us. But then some people were like, Okay, but if you identify with this and run with that, that's not gonna help you push.

Right. So

growth. Didn't become you. And like one yeah. One of the takeaways I got from the article that I read is that nobody is just one. Everybody has a little bit of everything. And it can vary relationship to r relationship and it can develop throughout your relationship into a more secure attached style. And like there's aside from attachment theory, there's a normal developmental stuff that happens in a relationship, that doesn't necessarily mean you are this thing and you will stay this thing.

Like a lot of it is just normal. And ⁓ I think, and then this is me kind of interpreting, I think when we begin a relationship with someone, that is when our maybe inherent style Attachment theory style comes into play a little bit and then it changes and develops as your relationship gets stronger. ⁓ but I think like what your inherent thing is at first is what you kind of like fall back on again to find safety within a relationship.

But also as you mature, that period I'm sure is less and less and less. Right.

No, that makes a lot of sense. And I feel like right, we're just like getting more information as a as a relationship evolves and you are building trust, right? Or not, depending on the relationship. Also, I feel like with these kinds of things and like that TikTok f trend of like, okay, you might have ADHD. Okay, it looks like you have autism. Okay. It's like, all right, all right, all right. Everyone calm down. What we're trying to do here is just like communicate with each other, with ourselves and That should always be done in a measured manner, in my opinion.

⁓

Yes. Underlying this is a tool for yourself.

Right. And of course we're all everything. We are one of the Reddit comments was like, you know, it's all an oversimplification. We be complicated. And it the response was like we do indeed be complicated people. So Exactly. Embrace your inner onion.

Exactly that. ⁓ I think this also, as I was reading it, I was like thinking of myself in my young twenties, like post high school, graduating, starting college. I'm like, ⁓ like I can that's where I was envisioning a lot of these attachment ⁓ styles coming into my behaviors. And as you get older, they're definitely a little bit less. But one note I had is like you can For lack of a better word, diagnose yourself via your friendship.

So if you don't necessarily have like a strong romantic relationship in your life, but you are curious about your attachment styles, it's not like it's only a romantic relationship type of thing. It also comes into play with friendships. So you can think about all of your relationships.

I feel like that is that hits home more for me now than like in my romantic relationship because I feel I'm very much in an era

relationship for so long that like i it would be a problem if you weren't secure which are kind of a lot more ⁓ variation in your friendships I think.

Right. Jeff. And I think that's so true. And I'm definitely in the area of like making new adult friendships and sometimes being confused by other people's behavior and not having tools to like see why that might be. ⁓ that is interesting.

Correct. I think it could also maybe I don't wanna you don't never wanna diagnose someone like I hate that word for this, but you never wanna put like something on but if it can help you understand their behavior a little bit more, that's not a bad thing. Like, ⁓ this might be delt bite into them. Yeah, don't talk yeah, right.

Yeah. I don't

someone like text me nonstop, yeah we can get into obviously what the area ⁓ that's this, maybe you know, they've had like it's just like an insight into who they are. Right. Rather than ⁓ my God. You can have empathy for someone is what I would.

Yeah, let's define these things. Well and that is a big part of ⁓ of this. when I was looking at the forums and things, people are like, if nothing else, this really gives you empathy into other people's behavior and I think that's very true.

Agree. Agree. Okay, so the first one I have is secure. Is that the first one you had as well? Or was it? Yes. Okay. ⁓ basically this is when the primary caregiver is consistent with their care and then it leads to in an adult relationship, there's like no jealousy. So that's kinda like the v oversimplification of the theory. But ⁓

Mm.

Yeah, in a kid, like if you're one of the examples was they're confident when a parent leaves and happy when they come back is is a a good sign of that. I mean, I'm t thinking like babies will usually always cry when their parent leaves, but then like it just is not that long. So anyway, I was like, Okay, don't get so in your head about this. Like Rio so far has been fine, but ⁓ I'm sure there will come a day where he'll be sad to s like, you know, upset watching us leave him.

Anywho, that doesn't mean he's gonna be a jealous adult. But yeah, I just think like in an adult relationship it translates to overall confidence. You don't ⁓

Ha ha ha.

You're not constantly thinking about what the other person is doing when they're not with you and you come home when you both are happy and good with each other.

And you regulate your emotions very well. And so what that creates too is like what I have here is resilience during conflict and asking for help when you need it. So basically all of like the super healthy reactions to conflict. ⁓ Obviously we don't always bat a hundred at or bat what is it? Bat a thousand? What are we batting? not every why is it a thousand? I never understood that. A hundred percent.

Mm-hmm. Exactly. Exactly. No.

⁓

'Cause it's ⁓

Averages. Never more confusing than one like eighth grade boys could whip out stats. And I'm like, I just don't understand how you are failing math. I don't get it.

Literally, let's change all of these analogies to things that aren't sports related.

Why why do you hate sports analogies? What's going on? You are very I was about to say you're a sports psychologist. You are a you are an athletic coach

Make they make a lot of sense and I think they're they translate well to life because life is a game and you're playing. But I'm like, th why does everything have to be compared to something that a man is doing or started or do I know, but the we're not like it's men who predominantly are the make the money in sports and all that stuff.

Play sports. I'm I'm behind this if it's about five.

I just laugh too, because I'm like when you're surrounded by like especially in a company I feel like it's like so sports analogies and it's like constantly

You're over you're over them. You've done been there and done that. I love it. Thank you for sharing. Okay. Okay, what analogy should I make? So Bryce had very secure attachment. Yes. He was very much like when there was conflict, he was like, Hey, let's just say I'm sorry. ⁓ anyway. Let okay, so that's secure. Secure is secure. Pretty easy to understand.

Aware of it. We compare it to Levi Yes, said Pretty easy to understand. I think

Anxious, preoccupied is the next one I have, which the core traits that are shown to me on Google are they crave an intimacy but fear abandonment. So they're sensitive to rejection and seek reassurance. So you're like anxious, preoccupied. You're always kind of like in your head a little bit, like, mm-hmm. I want this. Are you giving it to me? Tell me you're giving it to me. Am I happy? Tell me I'm happy. Anxious, preoccupied.

You need ⁓ unrealistic closeness, but you don't always trust that closeness, even when you do have it.

It sounds frustrating.

Sounds very frustrating.

Yeah. It sounds like like insecurity is never like a fun thing, especially as you get older and you can like see insecurity. I don't feel like I have a lot of empathy for that. Which maybe I should have some more empathy for that.

Maybe you should. ⁓ I think it also like it actions to look out for are these are the people who are like constantly texting or need the location or maybe checking phones because of like because of something in their head that they can't get past and they can't quite trust their partner all the way. So they need to like have that constant like ⁓ where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? Et cetera, et cetera, constant reassurance.

Yeah.

Yeah. It's exhausting and it's it's all it's exhausting for you, it's exhausting to put on someone else.

Number three. Dismissive avoidant. Okay. Mine says dismissive. I don't know. We can dismiss that if we need to. Ooh, who is anxious preoccupied in Love Island? ⁓ my god, yeah. Yeah. ⁓ my god, Zach. No, for sure. Also was like pushing away. But insecurity, we'll do that.

We can also avoid it if we need ⁓ Zach. Easy. For sure. Yeah, definitely avoidant in there for sure. Yeah. And insecurity. But I think he needed like he you told Kata to explore and then got so ⁓ alm almost controlling when she did and like needed to know what happened, etc. So dismiss them avoidant. so basically these are as a child, ⁓ I can't read my own handwriting here.

have rooted in emotionally unavailable and distant caregivers.

Yes. So the child loses trust in their caregiver and detaches. So it leads to independent adults. They struggle to ask for help when stressed. They and then when they're stressed, they withdraw and have a hard time trusting or being intimate. Yeah. It's kind of like a tough one to I think identify in people.

Yeah, I think I could identify in others and maybe not myself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Agree. 'Cause on the outside it's someone who is confident and probably self sufficient self sufficient. Some good qualities I imagine. A lot of good qualities. Yeah. I think you'd have to really get to know that person well. I think to get to know them well.

I get 'Cause they're a 'cause they suppress emotions and they don't like closeness.

Exactly. Like I think it's someone who maybe your first meeting is like, ⁓ this person's really nice, I really like them and then like every time you hang out with them is like very similar to the first time and there it doesn't really go much further than that.

That's a great way to describe that. I feel like this one out of all of them that aren't secure, I think this one is the one where like you might have a hard time convincing them they need to change. Or or it or maybe they'd be like, no, I I I'm okay with all of that. I'm okay with the lack of closeness. I have two people I'm close to and that's enough. Or you know what I mean?

I think this one, because they're there's nothing wrong with independence, self-sufficiency being a little bit more You might even call this introvertedness. You know what I mean? Where it's like that's and that could be true. You know what I mean? To each their own. ⁓ but if you're if the goal is to become securely attached, there's some things there that could be you it could make your life better, maybe. Yeah. What do I know?

I think journaling is a really good habit for these people because you can practice with yourself, just being honest with yourself. Yeah. And like having deep conversations with yourself or just writing out like your feelings. I did feel this way and kind of like connecting with them with yourself. You can't do that with other people.

I feel like I've definitely had bouts of this one because like especially after like first break ups or something like that or or even like getting into a serious relationship and being like, Okay, there's a few things here I'm not willing to be vulnerable about again 'cause ouch. You know? I think I think this one's probably very common.

Right, right. Yeah, I agree. And I think even like maybe like like you said, maybe it doesn't even come from when you were growing up, but from past relationships. You've been burned in a certain way and then you s become a little bit avoidant in future relationships. And it's like a protective mechanism. Yes. And then the last one I have is fearful avoidant. What's your next one? So yeah, the basically this they said

Fearful avoidant. ⁓

It stems from a child being shamed for showing an emotional need. So like, why are you crying? You're such a baby.

Yeah, my notes are rooted in abusive, unpredictable, or neglectful caregivers.

Yes. And then basically ⁓ the big note for this one as an adult, it's like they're cool, calm, collected until they're not. And it's like everything is suppressed, suppressed, suppressed, and then all of a sudden it can explode.

Yeah. Mine says desires closeness but scared of getting hurt, so they chaotically push pull with intimacy. So it's like all in and then all out. All in and then all out.

I hate to generalize, but I am thinking that this is more of something that maybe men have or boys and it could like I just thought of like, okay, it's you're such a baby, stop crying or like that suppression of emotional need. Exactly. Boys get told that a lot. And then also in like the

Gets told that the most See, here I am having more empathy. Feeling empathy right now.

Exactly. Exactly. And also when like the adult version is like keeping it cool, keeping it cool, keeping it cool and then like an explosion of like, okay, all of a sudden like you know, a big outburst and I was like I I again hate to generalize, but I do see that more in happening in men than ⁓ in women. But I

Yeah. We just have more outlets. I think we give ourselves more outlets.

True, true. And that yeah, I'm not saying this is all dialed in fearful avoidant at all, which we I think we already stated in the beginning of the episode. But I agree, yeah, women definitely have more outlets, especially with friends and everything. But ⁓

No no no no. Mm. And that's and that's the patriarchy, you know what I mean? At work again.

Hurting again. Yeah, hurting hurting boys.

It's a good thing to know. And like we said caveated in the beginning, like is this another trend of self diagnosing, blah, blah, blah. Sure, probably, yes. But it's always good to, like we already said, have new tools and ways to identify behavior if if if we find that useful. And I think I had a note here of like obviously our traumatic experiences are upbringing, like you can't control that as a kid. But as an adult, you have to take action where you can.

And any kind of tool to to do so I think is a wa very helpful.

And it's not like you always need therapy as the only option. Just learn like education and self awareness and reflection will get you a long way too. And then you can decide, okay, I do need the extra help and therapy from there. Right. Or you can have it from the beginning. It's not like, you know.

And why would anyone wanna improve themselves? Well, one, some of us are becoming parents. And I feel like that would I mean, as I think about it too, I'm like, yeah, I wanna fuck up my kid as l as least as I can, right? Yeah. As little as possible. ⁓ so yeah, any tool that will help that and like also I feel like it's very easy to be critical. Of like ⁓ to read these and be like, All right, I see where my partner is fucking up.

Like you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But that's not what this is about. This is empathy and

No, I think yeah, that was my biggest takeaway too, is more understanding for people.

Yeah. Agreed. ⁓ and also there was a a note someone left and read it and it was like it's so easy. A lot of people have had it really hard in many ways. And ⁓ because this is rooted in upbringing, right? So many reasons someone has an anxious attachment style or an avoidant one is because their parents told them don't cry, because their parents made them doubt themselves at every turn. And I think learning to trust yourself sometimes is something that that's a gift that we are given or not given is the ability to really trust our own instincts, our own behaviors, etc.

From the get go. And any way that helps you gain trust in yourself is extremely valuable. So if you can identify behaviors in yourself and trust moving forward that you know how to either counter them or improve

The get go. Or you can at least identify them as a starting point and then from identifying them, learn how to handle them. Yeah. Or what to do with these emotions or how to work on them. It's huge. Yeah. And I think yeah, as a relationship develops and as you mature as a person, I think you're always gonna have a little bit of these, especially in an uncomfortable situation, or ⁓ I don't know, maybe you meet someone like, ⁓ I'm like a little bit intimidated by this person.

You might feel that like insecurity or that, you know, attachment self. that you have and have worked on start to flare up a little bit. But it should be less and less those periods. Again, as you get to know the person and as you are a mature, confident adult, you can note you can like be aware of it flaring up inside of yourself and be like, wait, okay. Let me like backtrack. I am a confident person.

I am who I am. I know who I am. And this is a little bit of an insecurity or something that I'm feeling and that's okay to feel, but I know I've worked on it and I'm You know, a strong person now.

Or maybe you have inklings of like you have some anxiety show up in your relationship. Let's say you're in a long term relationship and that's totally new. And then you notice it happening more and more around certain ⁓ topics and things like that. Like I just feel like it can very much be helpful to be like, Okay, I'm weirdly slipping into an anxious, preoccupied attachment style with my partner of ten years. What in the fuck is that about?

And like that but that can happen, right? Anything can trigger like a childhood trauma and maybe that's part of it. You know what I mean?

Anything can trigger it. I also think too about like a love the show Love is Blind, and I'm like imagining all of these coming out in people's conversations. And sometimes on that show I see people who are like 30 or in their 30s or close to 30. I'm like, okay, at this point you should have it figured out. But after, you know, learning more about these, I'm like, well, maybe these people have been in long-term relationships and have been also burned in those long-term relationships, and it's significantly harder.

To move past these or be develop a secure attachment style. So even people who should have it altogether in a romantic relationship out seemingly may not because of previous relationships in their, you know, young adult life. And that's interesting too. Also, bless any single people out there. And that relationships you always have to work on in general. It's not like

Yeah. It's super interesting. And

Okay, we're done. Like got got a relationship, we're done. No not

That's what I mean. Like, unfortunately, this is if you're lucky enough to be with someone to that you're dedicating life to, ⁓ this shit's forever and we gotta keep working. That also makes me that really what is the word? gives me comfort because if we're here to work for a while, that means we can really work through anything.

Yeah. I think yeah, agree. And when you are deciding you being secure. When you're deciding on permanence with someone, and I remember we talked a lot about this because we literally got engaged a week apart from each other. ⁓ yeah. Twenty five we got engaged. Yeah. But I think I just remember always saying, like, you know what? No. I trust who he is now, but he's a good person and I trust us growing together. Yeah.

Tiny secure. Yeah. God, if I could hear those conversations about Yes.

Like that is just a fact.

I remember sitting in Rachel's basement and being like, I trust who I am when I made this decision. I trust who who I can become. I trust who he is when we made this decision. And I trust who he will become.

Yeah. And like you trust your communication, trust. And like yeah, you and that's us telling ourselves that because it's scary and it was such a big decision. And we're like feeling these emotions come up. And it's like, wait, let me like, no, I do trust who I was. I do trust who he is. And like, are we perfectly mature right now? And is this how I see like a perfect marriage right now? Like, not really, but like I'm also yes, because we're 25 years old.

Dude, we were so young. And but the thing is we knew as much as we could know, we knew how young we were. We knew how much change was coming. We as much as we could know.

Yeah, exactly. Like I trust this person to grow with. We were also with them for

You either w we were like, We have to make a choice and we're going to make it. This is us making that decision with the best we can.

Right, exactly. Yeah.

And I yeah, it w and I really do I love us. I just I you know it's such a funny decision that that was just like it's such a crazy period of life.

Yeah. It was such a crazy period of life. Thank God we had each other.

What were we doing? Thank God. Seriously. I don't know where I'd be. And I can't believe I left.

Mm. That was for like look how look at you and Connor now, you know? Yeah.

No, it was part of it was part of what needed.

It's part of it, yeah. Like you both challenged yourselves individually but also as a couple by moving.

Yeah. The best decision we ever made.

For sure. I would agree with that for you guys.

Did we want to take a quiz and find out at our attachment styles? Personal Development Schools Attachment Styles Quiz. We'll link this in the doobly doo. Okay. Start quiz.

No one Yes. This takes less than five

Before we start this quiz, I just want to say I feel like it's it's now being marketed as something. That's what I mean by this is like we don't you don't need to be marketed to about this. If you're looking for tools, maybe this is one. But like eight breakthroughs in your relationship today, that's that sounds like a weird guarantee. No.

Like I'm taking this quiz thinking, like, Hmm, I wonder what mine is gonna be And I'm like, Well, at this point it's secure. Like

That's I'm yeah, I already know you if you have no idea if you have no idea what your attachment style might be, yeah, maybe take the quiz. I don't know. Exactly. But like if you are in a relationship or you are s in you know, have long term friendships in your life, as we all do, I feel like this should not be your start of your therapy journey. But anyway, let's start the quiz.

Yeah. Are you in a relationship? Yes. What is your relationship status? Prefer.

Yes. Not to say short term relationship, long term married. Married.

I like how it's a long term in parentheses more than a year and then married. I was like, ⁓ long term and I like, ⁓ I guess married doesn't make

If you're in a seventeen year relationship and you never got married, you're married. That's what they mean.

You're married. That's what they mean. How would you rate your current satisfaction in your relationship? Prefer not to say, we're very happy. Things are not how I would like them to be. The relationship may be nearing a breakup.

Okay. A lot of extremes in that. Yeah. I mean the only one you could pick if you're not ready to get divorced is we're very happy.

Yeah. Yeah, the other two are like not good, really bad. There's no like Yeah good.

Okay, I'm going with Happy.

Extremely happy, I promise.

Like do I have to be very happy or can I just be pretty good? Pretty good.

I I can be very emotionally present with others, friends, family, partners, strangers, but it takes me a while to build trust and share vulnerable things about myself.

No, I'm an oversharer, so no.

That's false for Evie. I'd say that's true for me. It it takes me a bit to be vulnerable. Less now, but still true.

I remember when I remember when you shared that with me at some point and I was like, that is shocking because you are my wife. So like you've never once I've never not been close to you ever in my entire life. So I was like, ⁓ my God. Like, what do you mean you don't want me to tell everyone about everything about your life? What do you mean you want me to keep secrets from the world?

You don't want me to tell everyone about that very personal experience you just told me?

I just I think I don't have The thing is like as I grow older and have experiences for myself as like an adult in the last like three years, I'm like, Yeah, I'll overshare anything. But like things about like when I was growing up or Yeah. But like not even I'm like, ⁓ I'll just take

⁓ Makes total sense. It actually was like, Evie, why do you tell everyone everything that enters your head at any moment? Maybe check on that. Maybe check on that. Is that a little anxious attached? Maybe.

It's funny. Am I a little avoidant? Maybe.

Okay, number five.

I often put other people in my life on a big pedestal. Partner, friends, family. This is an interesting question.

That is an interesting question. I definitely do that.

I was gonna say, I think maybe that was true for like a blip in my life, but overall I think false.

Yeah. I think I definitely do that. Yeah. I call everyone my hero and my best friend and

It's really cute. ⁓ so I'm not special. Got it, thanks.

And see, and then I run into that old chestnut.

Literally just called me your wife two seconds ago, but

You are. That doesn't take away. I have no other wives. Fuck. Fuck my life. Number six. I f yeah. I feel naturally comfortable and safe expressing my feelings and needs to loved ones.

Okay, Zach. Just kidding. Ooh. See, here's one if I took this like five years ago, I would say more false than true, but now definitely more true than false.

Yeah. It's definitely more true than false, now that you say that.

Of course that's always gonna be kinda tough. Well not of course. Some people it's not shouldn't it isn't at all, but usually that could be hard, but it's become a lot easier as I've gotten as I've done it more.

Yeah. Alright. I feel very upset when others infringe on my need for space or time alone. Huh.

That's false for me. I don't care.

Well see, that's interesting. Okay.

I yeah, ⁓ that I'm like, what do you mean, my time alone? I'm I'm good. Time my time alone while you're here.

No, I Exactly.

That's me.

Yeah. And I almost want you to try to fr infringe because that means you you want me in your life.

Yeah. ⁓ I like that. That's funny. Interesting. I am willing to work through challenges in a relationship before suddenly trying to leave the relationship itself. If you're not in a relationship, think of how you would handle conflict in a partnership.

Number eight. ⁓ true. Yeah.

That's definitely true. That is like I feel like that's so like sudden and harsh. I am willing to work through challenges in our life.

I think you have to be very honest in this quiz. This is what I mean. This is marketed like find out if you're a banana. Like like but are you ready to be brutally honest?

Really? What I'm with yourself. Yeah. So this is like this is like you're not gonna blindside someone and be like, I have been feeling this way and I'm this whole time and not leaving and now I'm leaving a relationship. This is what this is asking. Like you're not gonna blindside them with that. You're gonna talk about things before they become I need to leave you.

Number nine, I tend to be out of touch with my emotions quite frequently.

This is another one where this would have been true even like three years ago. Two years ago maybe. But now I think it's more false. I think I'm a lot more in tune. I've practiced it a lot in my head.

My first my first instinct is to define out of touch with my emotions. I'm not quite sure what that means because I'm always in my emotions. But also I that could mean that I'm not like connecting it to reality.

Like you're feeling them, not naming them. That sounds weird.

No, ⁓ that sounds right. Okay, number nine. I guess I'm gonna go false. I'm not out of touch.

too. I think I I wouldn't feel things for a while then like all of a sudden I'd have a breakdown.

That was me at fifteen for sure.

Yeah.

flashback to me sobbing in a choir concert bathroom. Wait. Remember when we had I mean this is very personal, but remember when ⁓ we were on tour and we were in like Vermont and we were singing at a basilica or something. And then and then beep beep, I'll block out her name.

What, really? ⁓

And like him coming back to the family and for whatever reason I think my dad had just gone into like ⁓ inpatient treatment and had like just told me that he had like gone away.

Okay. ⁓ number ten, I am very attuned to others' needs and often put them before my own and resent it later. Like half of this is true for me. I'm very attuned to others' needs, often put them before my own, true. Resent it later? ⁓ not always. But I'm gonna put true for myself. Like I know. That's like that's the like part of it is

Sent it later. The spirit of that is false. Okay. I constantly want to be emotionally closer to my partner. This can also apply to my close friends. I feel like I want this in friendships more than my partner. I don't know if that's wrong.

Like I think the word constantly thrown in there is a little bit ⁓

I agree. Of a 'cause it's not constant.

It's not constant, so I always do want to be close with my partner and friends. But yeah, I'm gonna put

It's not like something I'm constantly well, I don't know. I don't know, maybe I am.

Is it co yeah, maybe. I don't but like I I don't know, I think I'm gonna put false. I want it, but it's not like yeah. I know what they're trying to ask there. It's trying to ask, are you anxious, avoidant?

I'm gonna ⁓ Right. And I think I'm gonna put true. It's not like I constantly want it, but it is it's a thought. So I'm gonna put true just to like try and hold myself accountable.

Love it. All right. Number twelve. I am effective at compromising and communicating. I'm gonna boldly put true here. I'm effective at it.

I want to be, so yes. It is very difficult for me to set boundaries unless I'm angry. Ooh, I can sometimes set excessive boundaries and push people away too dramatically out of anger. No? False. I'm putting false. Okay. If I notice my partner showing any signs of coldness, I panic and want to get closer as quickly as possible. This often happens to me in friendships. This is true.

Think for True for me. ⁓

Aww No, I think I'm the one who does the coldness.

No, it's definitely true for me. I'm like what's going on? No that is fine.

So false?

Okay. It is not uncommon the boy just woke up. It is not uncommon. I know. It said five minutes. We're gonna have to put our emails to get the thing. It is not uncommon for me to experience inward emotional turbulence throughout the duration of my rom romantic relationship. This applies to close family members as well. I'm gonna put false.

Okay. ⁓ my god. Okay. Same.

I often feel very hot or cold towards my partner or family members. I tend to operate in extremes in how I relate to others.

All

I know that I am worthy of a healthy, happy relationship. True. When I feel hurt by a loved one, I often have a strong fight or flight response. I find myself wanting to push this person as far away as possible. Friends, family, romantic.

group.

I don't think so. I'm gonna put false.

I feel like I'm very open in communication when I feel hurt.

Yeah. Yeah, I think so too. I do not feel as though I need anything for my romantic partner or loved ones. It can be difficult to conceptualize how others would meet a lot that's false. Yeah. I definitely need that.

Need things. We'll need them.

I do not enjoy being out of romantic relationships. I often fear being alone. That's false once behavior hurts me. I will express my feelings and try to understand what caused them to act that way. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. True.

I hunger for closeness. But I fear the emotional difficulty of it at the same time. No. Do I hunger for closeness? Yeah. Yeah. But I don't fear it. I'm gonna go grab him so he doesn't ⁓ become anxious attached.

It ends with that. Okay.

Hi Rio. Like in a tiny little corner on the screen.

You're gonna grow up thinking we've been talking into mics our whole lives. True. True. All right, false. Okay. Okay, here we go.

Not like making social plans with others in advance. I often fear being trapped by commitments with other people. This might be true depending on who it is, but mostly it's false.

God, why are they trying to get me? I do not like making social phones. I do like making them. It's just sometimes hard for me to commit to them. You know what? If I love the person, not hard at all.

Exactly. That's what yeah.

So false. Okay. False. I find that setting boundaries comes naturally to me. False. I don't really know what a boundary is.

Absolutely false. Naturally that comes natural.

Yeah, that's crazy actually. But like some boundaries, yes. Like like personal boundaries of like I've never found it hard to say, please don't touch me. I do find it hard to leave a social event and to say no to a social event.

The true But very I yeah, very true. I'm just thinking like boundaries and relationships.

Yeah. Which is definitely what we're talking about. So that's good. Okay, I'm gonna find okay.

Yeah. I focused much more on the relationships in my life than I do on myself. Why do I have to say much more? Put false.

Yeah, w I don't yeah. I I focus on myself quite a lot. Same okay. I often feel protective over my space, privacy, and belongings. Yeah, it's true, but it's like from like the world, not like from P

That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

True. I generally feel invaded when my partner or loved one demand too much physical affection. ⁓ false. Are you kidding?

False for me. ⁓ Demand it all you want, baby.

You heard it here first, folks.

I would prefer to spend most of my free time with my partner if I were to be in a romantic relationship. It would be hard for me to want to do things separately. This is true. This is true for me. Wait, that's I'm like, we don't have to be doing anything together, but I want us to be together. But also it's because Exactly. Sometimes during our weeks.

This is false. That's because you I don't get a lot of time together. It's not hard for me to do things separately. Sometimes I feel guilty when we do things too separately where I'm like we need to now prioritize us again. But it

It is it is hard for me to be productive on my own.

Yeah, me too. Me too.

I need to have some with me. But also one of my love languages for sure is quality time. So like Okay.

I got some really nice quality time this weekend as well as good friend time. ⁓ okay. And that's what made it a good weekend. That's yeah. I feel that it is easy to be vulnerable with my romantic partner or loved ones. True. False. And I love that about you.

Great. And I love that about you. It it took me so long to tell Andrew things.

I again that was like not a surprise to me, but I remember being like Andrew being like, Wow, she just tells you things, huh? I'm like, Wait, what? Well like she's not like that with you?

I've known you my whole life. You know inside and out. That is so funny.

I just remember being like he was like, Huh, it's must be nice. Or like we would just be talking, he'd be like, It's just great to hear this stuff. And I was like, Wait, what? Liz, talk to your husband. I mean he was your boyfriend. Obviously. It is so funny. Also I treasure it. I treasure the trust. Yeah. Obviously.

Like again, thank God for you. Like like I can open up with you and he can be there.

Thank God. No, and that's why it's really not healthy for us to live apart and I'm sorry.

No, Andrew, I think it's sweet. Andrew has his own relationship with Evie and it's like a lot of it is like from getting to know me better.

It's it's very true and I I do feel very close to Andrew because of that. Yes. Yes. We very much share you. And I and it's and it's v again, you were my wife.

Yeah. He has always respected right off the bat your your place in my life.

And that's again I just I have always loved Andrew. I've always felt very safe with you being with Andrew. ⁓ Because he because of that, he he's a great, great partner. He really is. I find that my partner or loved ones usually emotionally recover from conflict before I do. ⁓ false. False.

Yeah. He is a the best partner. I deeply fear being abandoned by my partner or love interests. Definitely not. False. False. How familiar are you with attachment theory? Well now I'm somewhat familiar.

Are you gonna the options are not at all, a little, somewhat familiar and very familiar. I was gonna go a little ⁓

Which wild little, but the amount of thought we've put behind it, I'm somewhat familiar.

You know what? I love that. What are you? That's actually wild. That's a wild question. But I see what we're doing here now.

What are we going to achieve today? Improve my current relationship, understand the person I'm dating, finding a compatible partner. Compatible.

⁓ she's gone. There you go. Rio is here. Okay, I'm gonna go learn more about my s I guess I don't know, do I wanna improve my current relationship or learn more about myself?

That's what I'm debating as well. I'm gonna but learn more about myself.

Same.

Okay. How old are you? Prefer not

It's a personal question. ⁓ my god, I'm not thirty five to forty four. I'm in the twenty five age bracket. Woo! Yay!

Okay. What is your gender, female? It's gonna be emailed to us. Elizabeth, are you ready to find that spark in your love life again and meet a loving and secure partner? Let's go to my email.

Other Fuck off. How dare you the internet talk to me about my relationship? I let you. So I gotta work on my boundaries. Okay. See my results.

There you go. Does this sound like you? You're a warm and friendly person who feels comfortable in long term relationships and has a strong sense of self worth. Yes. You are good at communicating your needs, feelings, and opinions to others. Blah blah blah. Set healthy boundaries. You get frustrated with poor communication and when others struggle to express themselves hmm.

⁓ I'm securely attached. Wait.

That's the thing about securely attached individuals. You can sometimes end up in relationships that feel wildly out of balance, which can drain you emotionally, mentally, so I'm securely attached, but my relationship isn't. Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. So but w what are like our results?

Well we're securely attached.

Okay. And then we need to keep going?

No, that's it. W securely attached is our attachment series style.

Well that's good. All of that to find out what I already knew. But also like those are some good questions. And some of them are bad. But No, like they're interesting.

Exactly. Those are good questions. They're making something gray, black and white with those questions and that's tricky to answer.

Yeah. And everything's layered and also you one day something could be true, and the next day it could be less true. I don't know. ⁓ true.

Very true. Well, thanks for listening. Hopefully you got something out of that. It was fun to learn about this and to have this conversation, I think. So hopefully everyone enjoyed listening to it.

I agree. And I think it's one of those things that we would have sat around in your house chatting about over like a glass of wine and that's really fun. Yeah. It was nice to have this chat with you, Liz, because

Absolutely. ⁓ it's nice to have this chat with you, Evie.

This is very much the kind of thing that you and I love doing. Hooray. Hooray. ⁓ guys, thanks so much for listening. This has been another episode of Catching Up with Liz and Evie. Please follow us on Instagram, TikTok, or YouTube. YouTube, we're at 12 subscribers. We'd love to have some more. Also, we have YouTube shorts going out, and they're the same as the ones on TikTok and Instagram. and anyway, just follow us, like, subscribe, leave a comment.

Correct.

They really do help. All that engagement really helps us find an audience. And I would like us to find an audience so that I can just be creative in my day to day life and that be that. Yes. but we love you for being here.

Thank you for being here. We love you and

I love you and I love you. Securely.

securely. Bye. Bye.