Episode 9: "I'm getting fired up!" about Friendship Red Flags

⁓ this is cute. That's this is Andy and Cock of the Rock. Bluefooted Beavie. Southern Dick Sizzle, tufted tit mouse. Bearded tit. My foul language. So welcome back, everybody. Catching up with Liz and Evy.

Rough faced chef. I knew If you're new, this is what we do every time we find foul-mouthed things to say. Every ironically. ⁓ good morning. Welcome back to catching up with Liz Nevi. You could just like record that. That'll be my nighttime go-to-bed message. Yes.

Every time. Ironically, huh? Should I do a ASMR? Southern Screamer. I hate how I just said that.

Wait, there's a bird called a dick sizzle?

Apparently. You know what's funny? I drink from this cup often. Yeah. It was a good white elephant gift one year. And again, it's our foul language mug. But we were Andrew and I went to the zoo. We didn't do a baby moon. We went to the Bronx Zoo for a day. Like it was so it was like a beautiful, randomly beautiful day in November. And just like it was outside. It was very nice.

Ha ha ha ha.

But we get to the bird sanctuary, I like, ⁓ my god, Indian cocks of the rock recognize them 'cause they're so funny looking. See that? No.

Know what you are. So what the hell? What the hell?

So I saw them and I was like, ⁓ my god I drink my coffee out of you.

Wow. On a mornings like today. We come to you for the first time on a Friday morning. And I hope you feel that energy.

On mornings like today. It feels good that Friday and

Hearing this on a Thursday morning, but just know your future is bright.

Yes. ⁓ shoo. You go.

Well no I like being called Miss Evelyn though. That was fun. Go back to Mrs. McCracken. ⁓ what are you wearing right now? Is this a a shirt? Is this a bathrobe? Like I need to I just need to know 'cause it really reminds me. Like this is an Arlene. Amazing.

Great question. I'm gonna step back for a second away from my microphone.

Guys, go to YouTube immediately. What is this? ⁓ this is just like this is just a quarter zone. Yeah.

The reason it's cozy. The reason ⁓ I thought that these colors might clash with my t shirt. So I zipped it. But that does look really funny.

⁓ No, it doesn't even. I think it just like reminded me it Arlene has a similar like nightgown. ⁓

From in your adult life, do you ever wear nightgowns to bed?

No ma'am. No I don't.

I have like once or twice. I don't like it.

Uhhuh. I I have the the thought has occurred to me to try it out because I love a big t shirt. So I'm like, would this be something? But I don't I don't know, dude.

Well, if you have a big t shirt, it's pretty similar. But I don't

I always love a big t shirt. Most of the time I want nothing, you know?

⁓ I d I want shorts, like r super loose baggy shorts or pajama pants. But like the pajama pants can't be too thick.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can't be doing thick I I prefer a lot of comforter, a lot of blankets as my clothing. Like I just want to be buried in in blankets at all times.

Camera doing thick. C And that's true. Anyway. Anyway.

If you're wondering how we sleep. Now you know. Liz, how was your week?

Fresh from luggage. It was nice. I was just looking at my calendar so I could recap for you. I know. ⁓ we had a nice week. It was Memorial Day weekends. So if here in ⁓ good old New Jersey, it was like ninety degrees the Monday before Memorial Day for like three days, really hot, almost a hundred degrees. Then Friday comes around, Thursday night.

God you're the best. Right.

It got cooler. It was actually gorgeous Thursday night. It was cool. But then like Friday comes around. Temperature plummets down to like the fifties. And then rain all weekend. The entire weekend rain. And then Monday it it stopped raining a little bit and it actually warmed up. So Monday afternoon evening was actually really nice. ⁓ we just went to my parents and grilled. So the weather turned out great for Monday afternoon evening, but like I felt bad for people who had plans and

Yeah. Please.

Whatever. Fifty is crazy. Yeah. I mean, like that was at night, but but still like it wasn't warmer than sixty degrees.

That's wild. Jersey loves to just throw you current

And then so Memorial Day, you know, whatever, it got nice out. Tuesday, Wednesday. Even yesterday was nice, but like Tuesday, Wednesday was perfect weather. Yesterday was nice too. It was just super it was like windy. So it was like warm in the sun, but then the wind would come and be a little chilly, but it was nice.

Bastards. That's lovely. Did you get to go outside most of these days? Are we going on our walks?

Rio has like his sleep schedule has been nap schedule I should say has been weird this week. Where like if you have kids, maybe you can relate, who'll like start showing signs of tiredness. We go to put him down and then he's like wide awake. So then but then he'll like get tired again. So you think he's gonna fall asleep but then he doesn't and you're like doing everything, right? So then you're like, All right, I guess I give up and then it's like time for him to eat again and he hasn't now like forty minutes go by and you're like, I'd rather just feed you and maybe try again.

But then like next thing you know, it's been two hours of just trying to like put him down for a nap and then that's two hours out of your day. So you're like, this is point and it's not that he's like cranky or fussy, but ⁓ it he's just not sometimes it's great and it goes down easy and you're like perfect. Other times you think he's gonna be like that. And then he's just up and wants to play.

You never really know what you're gonna get. That's how you don't score anything.

Yeah, it's Yeah.

But then also if you it's almost better to plan something because then you're like, we're just gonna go anyway because like he again, if he's really fussy, maybe I wouldn't, but he's not r super fussy, which is nice. And he likes it out and about. So it's ⁓ yeah. Anyway, it's an interesting thing. Yeah. What do you what what was your week like?

Yeah. You're like, I give up. My week was very full of work and also just trying to build on this podcast and trying to like set time parameters so I can like do my my projects and my things and be good at my job and and a friend and out in the world and things like that. I've been desperately trying to read this book club book and every time I pick it up I just like have to put it down as well.

Like I just like can never get more than five minutes of this book. And I was really determined to read it because I have it like in my hands, not on Kindle or an audiobook. But I borrowed it from a friend who needs it by Sunday. So we'll see how much I can read of this book in the next two days. It's called Bel Canto. I really like the way it's written. It's I don't know what it this style of writing would be called, but it's like it's like the characters are introspective and they're always thinking they're always like

Book.

equating situations that are happening in present day to things from their past that explain their reaction to the current event and like it's just extremely like self aware in its writing, you know what I mean? Like I don't know. Yeah.

Why you're having a hard time getting through it though, 'cause that's a lot to process. Correct. And

It's it's super fun to think while reading books like that, and to me that makes it go a little slower. So and because I have to give this book back, now I'm like, okay, I really do need to get a Kindle. Like I haven't had one in a while. But and I may cut this because this may be super boring, but I've been looking I've been looking at this e reader called like the Kobo Light, I think it's called like the Kobo e reader light color.

and it's

Gonna look it up.

widely loved. It's like a one of the best e-readers out there and it's not a Kindle. And I want it. ⁓ but yeah, my work was basically ⁓ work and getting to work on this podcast creatively and preparing for my point fighting belt test, which is on Sunday, which is basically it's a test to go from a yellow belt to an orange belt and I have to perform in front of three judges who will take notes on everything I do and then I have to wait two weeks after their assessment and then I'll know if I have my orange belt.

Wait, so what I have a couple questions. What are the belt colors?

Sure. The bell colors. So this is for point fighting. Point fighting is a combat sport. I think I've before have said it's a martial art, but I was told it's not. It's not a martial art. It is a combat sport which tracks because in martial arts you promote you promite promote like your fighters to different things. And I guess we're not getting promoted as much as we are just leveling up in a way and like earning Earning showing progress toward becoming an amateur kickboxer is what I was told.

So the belts are white, yellow, orange, blue, green, red, and black. I think those are all of the colors. so I'm just going to level three.

Cool. Have you ever done one of these belts what is it called? Belt tests? And like not gotten the next color?

Belt test. No, and I've only ever gone from white to yellow. And I think for that one it was a little less formal because some of the judges couldn't come or something. So it was a little bit more like and it you know, I've I've been studying with my coach for like almost four years, maybe four years. And like he knew I knew everything and like it was a less formal thing. Like I did know everything.

It's it wasn't a hard test to go from white to mostly it's like a such a workout. It's honestly like an intense workout where it's just like you don't stop moving for at least an hour and then you're adding on top of everything you've learned f as you go. So now I'm the only one going for this higher belt. And so I'm gonna have to just like keep going a little bit longer than everyone else. And it's gonna be like a two hour test.

Wow.

And it's gonna be nonstop and you can't like you are trying to just like maintain technique, maintain like all of you're supposed to perform at like the highest level you can. and then like there's also like push ups and sit ups and things like that and like you have to you can't like if you're doing push ups you can't stop or you're like kicked off. It's just a minute, a minute of push ups and like you can you can rest by staying in your plank.

Any push ups?

But like you can't stop. You can't put your knees in the ground. You can't do

That's not so bad. One push up and then hold a plane. Not actually that don't do that.

Exactly. Just after like two hours of training. But yeah. Yeah. And I'm not I'm not upper body strength girl. Anyway I I'm I'm very well prepared. I know everything I need to know. But they also like ask questions like if your opponent's facing you this way and does this, what do you do and what is that called and things like that. It's it's very mental and like they're calling out

Yeah. So it's mental too. I guess not physical. Fighting, honestly.

No, it's extraordinary mental. I have so many more skills than some people and I can't beat them because mentally it's s I'm not there yet. Yeah. ⁓ it's such a different skill to train. Yeah. But it's cool, it's cool. And I'm happy that like for once this event is at my gym down the street and it's in them at eleven AM and on a Sunday or whatever.

Definitely. That's really nice 'cause then you can come home and it's not Sunday night.

Exactly. ⁓ my gosh. Really saves some time. But yeah. That's mentally that's where I am. I'm preparing to I'm just like anticipating pain. That's a lot of that's a lot of what this sport is.

Yeah. Do you you got a lot of bruises, huh? ⁓ huh. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, some gnarly ones. I think I have a tiny one right here. But yeah.

I don't do point fighting and I also get a lot of bruises.

Bruise. Yeah, where do your bruises come from?

Great question. I would love to tell you. But but it's like it's so silly because sometimes I'll actually like hit like bang my knee really hard. I'm like, ⁓ that hurt. And then no bruise. And then two weeks later, I have like three bruises on my leg. And I'm like, I have no idea what that is from.

You can't 'cause it's a mistake. That is crazy. I that does not happen to me. But that I remember that happening to you, our other friend, like women in general.

I think it's I have low iron yeah, low iron for a while, so I think that may have something to do with it, but I don't know. I'm not a medical expert. What was

The last time you got your blood checked?

⁓ when you're pregnant you gotta check And then I did have low iron.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Do you like check all of the things and then like take stuff?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Why are

No I think was iron. Okay. I ran out and I haven't gotten more, but I do need to get more. I feel like I notice a difference and days where like if I'm not taking it for a while, I'm like, ⁓ my god, I'm so tired. But also if you eat something that's rich in iron, like for example, I have spinach with my eggs almost every morning. I'll try to eat an orange with it because vitamin C helps you absorb the iron better.

If you take iron in a pill form, do you need the vitamin C as well? Does it still apply? Liz, when's the last time you made a new friend?

Yeah. Can still help. Don't ask me that, I don't know. Eve, question for you. Having moved in your twenties, whatever it was, how is it making friends?

Ooh, love this question. Also, the fact that I moved in my twenties kind of do the twenties feel far away to you? No. But I They feel they feel very unreachable. They feel different. Which like saying like the fact that I moved here when I was twenty seven feels crazy to me. Like I've been in Puerto Rico since I was twenty seven. I feel like the older I get, the more crazy that's going to feel to me.

Anyway.

They feel different, but nothing.

was such an isolating feeling ⁓ to go from obviously it was isolating to go from my my home and all my friends and family to a place where I didn't know anybody. And I needed a friend so badly that I followed some of our f one of our friends had done Bumble BFF. ⁓ and I was like, ooh, let me try that and let me just like see if I can make some some Puerto Rican friends on Bumble BFF.

And And that's how I met one of my friends. Shout out Mishka. And to this day, that's probably like that was the most successful thing I ever did. Like Mishka and I are like, she's like one of my best friends. And we're so close and and I love her so much. And it's like I'll cherish that relationship forever. And also like, how random. Moved to Puerto Rico.

How many bumble BFF dates did you go on? That's amazing. A hundred percent success rate. Wow.

Just one. Five percent success rate. I know. It is so crazy. but yeah, it's a weird thing to make friends in adult I mean it people say this, right? People are like, it's so hard to make friends as an adult. I don't really agree, like it's different. It's hard. It's hard if you have like criteria or like if you're resistant and if you don't meet people that you vibe with then yeah.

Here you are. It's not hard.

Then then we're then it's gonna get a little hard, but like

It can be hard if like you are not in situations where you're meeting new people. Yes. Like that of course is hard. Like if you're single and move to a new place or if you're you already have a friend, I don't know. Like I you definitely have to be in situations where you can put yourself where you're in a upper you have opportunities to meet new people. Like I always think when Rio starts school, there I'm gonna be meeting so many totally other parents.

We just moved to like our friends moved to ⁓ a new house. Mm, I think last September. And their neighbors, they have two other couples that are literally like their same age, no kids, just the couple in that like neighborhood. Crazy. I know. And like everyone like they w had a party the other day and we were chatting with them. Like we everyone gets along so well. Like all the like moving to new places, kids. You're gonna yeah, you'll

That's crazy. I love them. Yeah. I also think too, if you have that mentality of like, ⁓ it's so hard to make friends, then like you're like subconsciously putting up walls in a way. Like if you're not open to making new friends or open to the idea that like this person that I met today, like you obviously don't need to be thirsty about it, but like like I don't know. You subconsciously are training yourself.

Can't be like you can be the one to reach out and initiate like a coffee hang or a walk in the park. Like whatever. Like if you have kids and you wanna get them together. Like you can definitely in initiate something you don't have to wait on the other person too.

Yeah, I think that's very true. And I don't think I was doing that at twenty seven and twenty eight. I think now if I was in a position to need new friends, ⁓ which I like, you know, who's got the time. No new friends, who's got the time? ⁓ I would initiate like if I moved somewhere else and needed to do that, I would I would feel much more comfortable now doing that than I ever did.

But yeah, what do you

Right. You've done it. You've put yourself like you've put yourself out there.

Yeah, and it's a learned thing. Like you really do you have to put in the the effort and like it's a skill for sure. ⁓ what are some things you look for in a friendless?

Let's go. Something that's very sweet that a good friend does is just supporting you in it could be like the smallest little thing to like a big like helping you move is a big one. ⁓ or even like when we have this podcast and we're like announcing it, posting on social media, everyone's supportive of it. Like, ⁓ let me like I listened to it, it was so cute, or da da da. Like because you're putting yourself out there, you're opening yourself up for some criticism for sure.

Yeah.

But yeah, the the friends who are so supportive of it and like, yes, like go for it, you got this, it just is nice. They don't have to listen and share, but like the ones who do is it's very sweet.

No, I it actually means like so much. Like I don't know how it means that much, but when someone's like goes out of their way to like do something small but supportive, it really does like tup me in the heart. Like I don't know. That's very sweet. Yeah, I agree. That's a green flag.

Mm. And it's also a reminder for me to be more like that. Like, okay, yeah. Want this village, you have to be a villager. Yeah. Like making meals or for a friend who had baby or even like who didn't have a baby who ⁓ I don't know. Like just showing up for people is important.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Totally. And I feel like too, something I've decided for myself, ⁓ it's like it's also never too late to like reinvest in your relationships and friendships. Like if you like didn't show up a lot and like maybe you couldn't, it's never too late. It's never too late to just like start.

Absolutely. Especially if you have fr friends that you've known for a long time. Yeah. Like high school friends or college friends. And then like you kinda like drift apart but you connect when when you do. And then you're like, No, love, it's like hey, wanna meet up and grab a drink.

Yeah. Or even just like, hey, was thinking of you, like saw this like sweet little postcard, I don't know, and wrote you a sweet little note. Here you go. Like, send that on its way.

Yeah, yeah. But I think if you're talking about investing in relationships and building on it, you do have to like put in some one on one time with them. This is very true. That's nice to be thought about, but it's nice to be thought about.

That's true. No, you're right. It like carries a lot more like it will just like actually impact the relationship a little bit more.

Also it shows like you both want to spend the time and also like you want this relationship friendship to last. So you're like, we do realize we have to put effort into like we're ⁓ was I say this to friends all the time, it's like, ⁓ we're overdue for a a date.

But Yeah. And and mean it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like actually make make the time. Yes. ⁓ go ahead.

It's very true. And like obviously Yeah. No, I was gonna say, 'cause obviously life is just gonna it's going to naturally there's gonna be times where you just like don't spend a lot of time with someone. If someone has a kid, if someone moves away, blah blah blah. These things disrupt things.

Another like really positive thing about a good friendship is when you can blend friends or friend groups and everyone gets along really well, it's the best. It is the

Absolutely. That's my favorite.

Like when it meshes, you're like, Yes, I like I love I love these people, I know they love each other.

Hundred per s And I feel so loved when one friend like goes up to another friend and like they really are putting an effort to like chit chat and like connect and like that feels like that feels so Yeah. Mm-hmm. And then they get along.

But there's mingling, yeah. like like a barbecue and like your parents are there or family members and like they become they they start chatting and you're like ⁓ thank you for like talking to this person who means a lot to me who doesn't really connect with anyone else here 'cause they're all well for whatever reason. But

No, I totally agree. There's nothing better. I feel like I almost expected my friends to like meet my family at some point, always. Because we grew up in such a we grew up in just like a tight knit community where I knew my friend's parents, like I knew my friends' siblings, and when I met some of my closer friends a little bit later in life, I remember introducing them to my family and being like, Well, this is where we're gonna hang out.

You're gonna hang out with me and my family. I is that is that cool? Right. I'm like, Yeah, we're we're twenty five, but like but like this is where I hang.

Yeah, my mom plans our date together.

Right. Like my mom is like we're having we're having dinner and and dessert and we're gonna talk and play guitar until one AM. I hope that's cool. I hope you like my siblings 'cause those are my friends. You know? My cousins and my siblings are going to be there and I hope that's cool. ⁓ and luckily for me, I have great friends.

Yes. Yeah, Mishka has stayed with has Mishka stayed with stayed with your mom before?

Yeah, they both stayed with my mom for like a couple of days. I think like there was no one the house was empty and so they they needed a they needed a spot and so they crashed at my house and then s were there for a couple of days with my family as well.

Yeah. You were in Puerto Rico the whole time.

I was in Puerto Rico. They they just had a little sleepover. I know. And also like that's something that I look for in a friend too, like that green flag. Like not only are you like mingling or hanging out, but like there's some quality of like and this is definitely like the European in Mishka, but I value the quality that's like unafra ask for a favor, to use that favor, to like Yes, of course I'll stay at your family's house.

Like, thank you. That's exactly what I was looking for. Like I don't know, some kind of shared

be like I I don't this sounds weird saying it this way, but to not be better than that, like to be like, Yes, I like this is gracious of you and I ex like I don't know, it's yeah.

There's just a familiarity. Like if you can get to that place of familiarity fast, that's where I'm most comfortable. And I think like moving away has taught me that a lot of people have their own kind of like ⁓ best practices for a lack of a better term. Like they have their norms that they're used to and like the societal norms of where they're from and things like that. And I think

Familiar.

when you're making friends, you automatically kind of gravitate toward people with the social norms closest to yours. And funnily enough, my values and norms are very similar to Slovakians. Like like they we just have similar like we have tons of differences, but like similar energy is from Slovakia, yeah. But like

Slovakian, by the way, in case we're

Yeah, we just have like a shared end goal where it's like, I want you to feel like family.

There's also something like it it shows that the person is comfortable with themselves if they're willing to put themselves in a slightly uncomfortable situation, but they trust you that your family's cool and will welcome them. That's myself and I trust you. Like those are two good qualities in a friend.

Exactly. That is a hundred percent it. Yes.

What about so mostly positive things here? I'm sure you haven't met many people who you're like, mm, not cool with you. But maybe a person or two who you're like, Okay, I'm we're gonna be friends, but not best friends. Like we're we're gonna keep some a little bit of distance. How do you know?

First of all, I've met many people here. This like living in a community where people move from the US here all the time. ⁓ you meet some weirdos. I'll probably take that out actually, 'cause it's such a small town. Yeah. Fair. But yeah. So when I meet people, I feel like actually I can tell like right away if I'm like, oop. I I'm not sure what, but like something's off and I'm not really gonna investigate this too much.

I'm just gonna not invest my time and energy in you. I'll be polite, I'll be cordial, but like I can tell pretty quickly if I'm like, mm, bad vibes. ⁓ normally they're men. There's some people where I'm like, you're a perfectly nice person, but we just like see the world so differently in in like certain aspects of like what you wanna do to to r ⁓ relax, to unwind, an overall theme of like I don't know what you value other than like happiness in a way.

I don't know.

I don't Like what is making you tick? Yes. What what is it that keeps you going?

And in my experience it's like normally just like chasing a high. And it's just like I don't trust that. You know, there's something there where I'm like, Huh, I don't know.

There's also as women, trust your gut, trust your intuition.

Yeah. Exactly. So basically, yes, when I'm meeting new people Yeah. When I'm meeting new people, I'm always just trusting my gut and like normally I can sense bad vibes off a mile away. And I just keep looking. ⁓ but yeah, there's so ⁓ like everyone has something to offer and like you can I could be friends with a tree, but more the more people you meet, the more you start to realize who clicks with your vibe the best.

And ⁓ there's just always a handful of people that I'm just gonna be like, ⁓ this is sick. Like, I love getting to know you.

Yeah. I think this is so is life. You can be friends with anyone. Everyone has something to offer. I love those two things. And with that being said, whenever you are meeting someone or like there's an aspect of opening yourself up and a little bit of vulnerability that's required to have and then maintain a close relationship. So you're when you're like, you know, feeling someone out and you're feeling Mm, okay, maybe I don't wanna open myself up that much at risk of being hurt.

You're like you can s yeah, we'll be friends, but we're never gonna be like I'm not gonna trust you you're not gonna stay with my family, probably.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so true. It's like when you meet people that you j when that you gel with, it's like, ⁓ this is so simple, this is so easy. But like it really is a rare find sometimes because you're like, ⁓ wow, you're one in absolute you're one out of the fifty that I chose that like I would yeah be comfortable with. Yeah. I would say like a red flag for me when meeting people is ⁓ when they like st immediately say something negative.

Yeah.

Or they immediately say something like they talk badly about someone else, or they're like describing a situation. You're like, You're not this is weird that you're telling me this because you're not coming across great.

One hundred percent. With someone is just constantly either not even constantly, but just like you have a good interaction and then some like they say something just like Hospier in a negative light about someone else, you're like okay, this that was weird. Why?

Right. Like I had a friend, I met a friend once, ⁓ like when I first moved here, and we were getting along, and then she like randomly started to talk about this other friend of hers, ⁓ who I hadn't met, but she was like just like complaining about how clingy that friend was. And then I just remember being like, ⁓ that is so strange. Like one weird thing to say. I I don't know this person and like

Weird thing to say about

It we wasn't even just like a casual 'cause there's such a difference between venting to someone that you're close with and completely just like gossiping and like and then there's a difference between that and being mean. Like it just you know, when someone's mean right off the bat, especially when you don't know them very well, like obviously sometimes I'm mean, you know? But like if you're just like doing that willy nilly in front of people, it's like Okay, so you're mean.

Not if I meet someone for the first time and we're still getting to know each other, I'm not gonna talk shit. But I love talking shit with my closest friends. Exactly. You know what I mean? They and like because they know you and you know that sometimes you're it's very, very well, I don't it's not like you're like talking shit about someone specifically. But like it's nothing I wouldn't say to that person and it's like, ⁓ you know, like we've grown up with this person, that's how they are, it's funny.

Exactly.

I wouldn't even describe that as talking shit, honestly.

No. And I I th you know what's crazy is it's not crazy. You know what it is? I really think first impressions actually they they just mean so much. You know? If my first impression of you is that you're being a big fat meanie, well then in my head you're a big fat meanie until you prove

Saying just if you're saying mean things off the bat, we don't have anything like established yet and you're telling me mean things. Yeah, I don't really trust you that you're not gonna say those mean things about me. It's just how

One hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

So like don't don't be mean to some like why are you being mean in the first interaction with someone? Don't you want me to like you? Like, yeah, you're not being mean to me, but mean is mean. You don't have to Yeah. And I don't care if like that's how you feel and like you really don't like this person, find someone else to talk. Like, don't put it on me. That's a bad feeling for me.

I'm not a dum dum.

Exactly.

Ya ya.

But yeah, and like I agree. Gossipy versus like ventee. Sometimes something happens and you're like, okay, these people are my longtime friends, but this person hurt me in a way. Like I or like this situation happened. I just need to vent about it. Yeah. And for the sake of whatever relationship, like I'm gonna vent about it to people who I trust who it's not gonna go anywhere. You know? Exactly. And then if you're being gossipy, it's yeah, it can be like fun to talk shit.

But again, I'm not gonna do it if there's ill intent or if it's gonna affect my long term relationships. I'm just gonna also too

Like you know you know where the line is and like you don't wanna be a shit talker. You don't wanna be ⁓ the person who's a shit talker, right?

Even like situations sometimes that deserve to be shit talked about, they're c ⁓ you we get we get like a few minutes in and I'm like it was fun, but now I kinda feel bad.

One yep, if you get to that point Yeah Yeah. Yeah. I ⁓ totally know what you mean and which sucks.

Yeah. So if someone doesn't feel bad about being like a shit talker or being mean, that's a red flag.

That is a red flag. Exactly. Yeah. And you know.

I don't know if any of that is making sense, but

No, I think so. If you're not saying at the end of your gossip sessions, but who am I to say? Who am I to say? Then then you're doing it wrong.

There is something special about that first time. Like you have a new friend, you've connected, you're both like, Okay, like this is fun. We like each other, we're feeling each other out and then like you kind of are leading into that. Like you're like, Are we gonna talk to you? Like, but like it's not me. Like I'm not normally like this, but like, did you feel that way? But but who am I to say?

But who am I saying? Like we love her, we love her.

Exactly. The best, the best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like say seven nice things before you shit talk. No, it's it's a part of life. It's a part of life. But don't be a big fat meanie. Especially on your first impression, bitch. Another red flag.

Exactly. Ready for share fun. Ready to sit talking.

Is this shit talking? Yes. But like coming on you have again too, if you're having an interaction with someone and it feels super negative, and then you walk away and you're like, I'm not really sure how that went. Like, I'm not sure how the interaction was. Was I was I not like was did this hit? Or how did I come across? I'm curious, did they like me? Did they not? Did they like smile and say nice things, but I feel weird?

Like someone comes across kind of fake and you're like, I just feel like that's what fake feels like.

One hundred if you walk away and you're feeling unsure how the interaction went, like you're not sure how to feel about it, it's definitely a red flag. Even if there was no meanness, no shit talking, like if you're just like, I'm not sure. Yeah. Then that is kind of a red flag. It doesn't mean that it's it's not even it's like an orange flag. You're like, let me just like be aware the next time we have right ⁓ conversation.

⁓ might be indicating another red flag, which I hate, which is like when adults are immature and childish. If you start feeling clicky in adulthood, I am like, ⁓

I think this can happen a lot with ⁓ kids in school, dare I say? Like Yeah, well like their parents.

Yeah, clicks. ⁓ interesting. Yeah ⁓ that's fascinating. ⁓

Yeah, just being around like coaching a lot of lot of different people, but like a subset is you know, w like parents with kids in school and you hear naturally some of the drama that's happening in school with like middle and high school kids. And parents being very clicky. Wow. Like like the first time coaching will say to me like

Yeah. ⁓ my god, the parents

Okay, this isn't like your kid. It's not your life reliving in high school. Like you're you don't get to be the popular kid now. Like just isn't crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

That's crazy. It makes a lot of sense, actually. Interesting. That's wild. No. You know, I just thought

I know. It's just immature. No, it's you're getting like you feel good about like ⁓ your daughter's kinda popular and it's giving you good feelings. Like, no get over yourself and find something that makes you happy for where you are. Yeah.

That's crazy. Yeah. I feel like ultimately all of these red flags come down to something you already said, which is like if someone is comfortable in themselves and knows themselves really well and like has self confidence, self awareness, maturity ultimately. Then the then you're gonna be friends with them. But those who are just like, I don't even know, maybe we regress at some point in life, you know? It's possible. I hope not. But yeah.

Not

If you're not like if you're insecure We talked about our goals. Our goals We will reach that. Yeah. Anyway. I had a thought though, 'cause obviously we're saying she, she, she. Do you have any like good male friends in your life?

I was okay. Come on, we talked about ⁓ yeah.

What was like what's your difference in like or what's your relationship with your guy friends? Like is it different than obviously it's different than with our girlfriends, but like what's what are those friendships like? How do you know you're gonna gel with a guy as a friend?

⁓ w when guys are nice. Like if you're nice, I will be your friend. Like and I say that ha wh why do I say that? I don't know, but it just it's true. Yeah. This is okay, I'm gonna sound very pick me here.

Ha ha. Backs. Cause it's true. Excellent.

I have a lot of brothers and I work in strength and con like personal training. It's there's a lot of males in my life. I feel very comfortable around men and I feel like w I can have like good conversation and banter. With that be like with that being said, I also know men very well. ⁓

Well that's not

to a male friendship, you know? But I don't know, when there's like a good guy, you're like, yes, this is great and then you can be friends. Most of the ⁓ actually maybe yeah, most of the like good male friends I have are just the husbands or partners of totally girlfriends.

I I was literally gonna say ⁓ like I wish that wasn't I mean I don't wish it wasn't, but like it's obvious why that is, right? Like when you're talking with with people

Not all. Not all. Like yeah. Or your friends.

Sure. But it's just such an easy stepping stone to being friends with a dude if you're also one friend with their wife or girlfriend. And how do I say this? It's just easy to know where everyone stands and like obviously your only avenue is friendship or acquaintance with this person. And ⁓

It is nice when that friendship turns into or that relationship turns into a friendship and it's not just like, ⁓ my friend's husband. You know, and you're like, I actually know you and I actually like you for who you are.

Totally. I loved the era when all of us started to date our now husbands and like getting to know Andrew, getting to know JP, getting to know who else we got, Rob, Sean, ⁓ meeting Mary's boyfriend, all those. Like and and having them all meet each other, like the the couple friends and all that. Like that was just such a fun experience. And like their friends, like, you know, Andrew has so many good friends. Mm-hmm. ⁓ you know what it is too?

I can you can tell when a guy this is so TikTok. This and I absolutely heard this on TikTok. You can tell when a man likes women. You can tell when a man is comfortable around women. You can tell when he like genuinely has always had female friends and like just enjoys being around women versus

Yeah.

Someone who's just like attracted to women and is kind of an asshole. And like only views women as people to be attracted to and that's it. And you can just tell the difference. And sometimes men disappoint you because they trick you. And then they're just like, ⁓ you're just kind of like you can't get past this this masculine like macho macho thing. Mm-hmm. Where like this happens sometimes with people I meet here, where like You'll be having a random conversation and then a girl in a bikini will walk by and they're like, Would you ever wear that?

That's happened to me. And I'm just like, I'm gonna go away now. It's it's just so because and like this is the most frustrating part about

To ask you that. 'Cause I'm weaving. A hundred percent

But that is what they're doing. This literally happened to me last week. And it's so disappointing because you know that you know that this

say that you should just say it right. They were drunk, probably, would you?

But I'm pretty sure I did say that. I was like, Well, for sure I would wear that. It's a fucking bikini. I'm actually and I didn't say this, but I was like, Well, I'm wearing one right now and just have a shirt on, you idiot. You dumb idiot. And but like this is the plight of women because I know that person and I know he's a good person, but he doesn't know that he just like scratched me somehow.

Like

Yeah. If you are on the beam. ⁓ you

Exactly. It should be It's like a microaggression. It's just like you don't know that you just pissed me off. Right. And you don't know why.

And you don't know why. And then I just get to be the pissed off female. Yeah. And then you see me as just, ⁓ sh

Now I'm just pissed. And now we're done talking for a month. Like I won't talk to you again.

Yeah, and exactly and like he's a good person, like you said.

nothing wrong with that guy. He's actually pretty really nice, but you're just you just revealed something about yourself. Is and that is that you're dumb. That is that you're stupid and that you Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. That's but that's why it's hard to be friends with sexist. And that's why

That's crazy. ⁓ Yeah.

I'm only friends with men who like women. And they have to

It'll take years to hang out with. Yeah, it'll take years to prep out. It's nicer to hang out with ⁓ how do I say this? When you're hanging out with like, say it's like a a double date or something, it's nicer to hang out that way than in a big group setting and like the guys are all hanging out and like being bros sometimes because that's where you catch some of those comments and you're like, come on.

Like just because you're around each other doesn't mean you get to like Right, right. You know, be shitty.

Like no matter h how you like justify it, I'm I'm still clocking it. I'm still putting that like I can't help but do that, right? It's a protect No, it really is.

It's a protective mechanism. It's defense. You're not a bad person. I know you're not.

Yeah. But like exactly it doesn't mean that, but it's going in your file.

Like ⁓ what was it the the hockey thing when the men's ⁓ hockey team won and then they're on the phone with the president and he w what he just it wasn't like

He made a joke at the expense of the women's team and they all laughed. And I can't tell you how angry men's laughter makes me. That's like the most triggering thing for me. Because when it's at the expense of women, it feels so scary. It feels so scary. It feels like you're about to like take away my rights.

Mm. Yeah. And that's the thing, there's all that, you know, uproar of so many people explaining why it was why it

They could be right. They could be right that like they just left as a reflex. They just they're on the biggest high of their life. And I'm like, it actually just still doesn't matter. I'm sorry.

It actually is still like personal woman. Yeah, it's still her. Yeah. And there's there was one I think in the video, there was one person who was like, Absolutely, like and then all the laugh. And you're like, That's what everyone should have said, you know? Right. Right. But anyway, whatever. Yeah, it was like a reaction and it

It's still A hundred percent. It's understandable. It's just also it's it's just so disappointing. And like that disappointment hurts more and more every fucking time and never stops hurting.

Yeah. Am I gonna like ban hockey and not watch hockey for it? Absolutely not.

No. And I watched those games and I cheered for those games. That's the other part that sucked. I was like literally on the floor screaming at my TV. But I guess you don't care about that. I guess I'm just

Like you yes, exactly that. It doesn't feel good. And then you it sucks because you like this person, you're cheering for them, and then you hear that and you automatically can't even help it. It's just being a woman. You put that little wall up because you're like, I need to have a little bit of protection. And you're like, I didn't want to have to do that.

Exactly. Because you don't know when you don't know when you hurt me, obviously. That's your defense every time. Every time you're like, well, I didn't realize this would hurt you. So wonder why we have so many defenses. Because you don't know your own fucking effect.

Yes, please.

Anyway, friendships great though. But no, I at this point in my life right now, I have so many great friendships with men and friendships with women and I've learned so much. I learned so much from my friendships with men. Shout out. You know who you are. and I I really do. You know what my favorite thing is recently from my male friendships and I have put into some of my female friendships is ⁓ you can text real bluntly

Yeah, that's quite true.

Like shout out Andro. He's he's got me he's got me putting periods at the end of my sentences. He's got me sending okay period and not taking offense. I had to learn so fast not to be pissed off by texting this man ⁓ or receiving text.

Like that. And also, I am a terrible texter. I had to learn to add like exclamation points and emojis to my text.

I have gotten very emoji heavy lately and I don't know if it's bad. It might be it's probably it might be like telling of my age. Like I'm like am I gonna be that I started using them so much.

I don't really use emojis. Nice some four times. ⁓

I gotta get back to that. It is nice. It reminds me of literally though, men are so simple. And like when you remember that, it's actually super freeing. It's so nice, like obviously ⁓ our relationships with men and women are different, but like there's such positives to that in a way. Where it's like the way I am, like I can just be so much more like super chill sometimes with my male friends than my female friends, where I'm like, putting in a ton of energy because it's that's that's what Yeah, exactly.

I'm performing at a higher level sometimes. Right. And like there's such pros and cons to that. And I and I love that so much. It's really is a joy. And I just love like I love building relationships of every kind. You know, you learn so much about yourself in relationships and I love friendship for that. Like it really is just like adds so much, so much to my daily life.

Because it's a higher level. It's very true. Friends are the best. It's fun just having conversations with people.

Friends are the best. And people who like add who people who are great influences on you. So true that like your friends tell you who you are or whatever the fuck that's saying is. What is that saying?

You are the five people you surround yourself with.

You are the people you surround yourself with. Yeah, exactly. ⁓ and that's so true. So like I also feel that way. I feel like I I'm so grateful for the people who are my friends who absolutely make me a better person. And that's that's not always easy to find. I'll say that.

It is fun being friends with ⁓ people of different ages too.

It's so much fun. It's so much fun. I have a friend, a coworker, who's twenty six now, I think. And ⁓ it's so much fun. He's he just reminds me of my little brother and like shout out, big dog. That's what he calls me. I come into work, he goes, What up, big dog It's so sweet. It's one of the sweetest like that's what I'm talking about too. Like we know, we just see each other at work, but like it is just like it's such a it's such a sweet little like relationship.

I love that. I was at work one time and I was ⁓ yeah, I had the baby and so I'm ⁓ back at work and I was talking to one of the ⁓ clients and just like talking about postpartum and everything and we were like just I was like saying I was like what did I say? I was like, Yeah, I would be like up with him and just like pacing the room, like, ⁓ my god, please let the sun come out, please let the sun come out and she's Yeah, it's it's it's rough and then my coworker was there 'cause he was finishing a shift.

He was like, That sounds terrible

Yeah.

Like let me be the one to tell ya. It's great, but it's not easy. Mm-hmm. Like going back on back and forth on all the things where like, yeah, no one really talks about that.

⁓ my god. No, because we're Yeah, awful. And like you you want the men to know. Yeah. Want them to know how how awful it is. Dude, isn't the best so you go. I was just gonna say, isn't it the best like when you're co work like when you gel ⁓ there's nothing better sometimes than a co working relationship. And it's like it doesn't need to become a full front full fledged relationship like friendship, but like co working

Yeah, of yeah, you Hang out at ⁓ work.

That's what makes it awesome. It's like it's but it's just so contained and you have such like a little like flow you slip into. ⁓ I love that. That's why I will ⁓ I love working in person with people because of that. Like you can't replicate that anywhere else.

Nope. Yeah, those are the I think of like my waitressing days with that. Like the fun we would have.

Life guarding? Are you kidding me? ⁓ my god.

the best. Even even with ⁓ personal training. Like you you just like yeah, there's you're all in it together. Yes. And no one else is experiencing what you are in that moment.

Can't replace that. Like you I'll I'll look over a million red flags for those relationships. Because it's contained in its own world.

And all that matters is just like your your vibes with each other. That's the vibes. Which is great. And like don't like talk about being like, you know, if it's like a guy, they'll talk about like ⁓ hooking up with random girls. Like doesn't matter because you're not in my life and I'll be and you can like give them shit for it a little bit and you're like, yeah. Like that they'll tell you like I'm a shitty person and you're like, I don't really care because we get along.

You're like, maybe be shittier next week so we can talk about it. Like do it again. Like you are a bad actor, but I ⁓ you know, I want you to keep doing that.

And they know that you know they're gonna say that. So you're like it's almost like their safe space where like you can tell me how bad I am. It's fine.

Literally. ⁓ my god, that should be studied in a lab. I love it. It's hard to have friends, but you know what? It's almost impossible to have great cousins and ⁓ we win.

Yeah. We sure do. It's like the coworking vibe, but for life, that's our vibe.

That is that's it?

That's it. That's yeah, that's it. So blessed. Been catching up with Liz and Abby. Thanks for listening. Hopefully ⁓ you got something out of that and it made a little bit of sense. Are you connected in some way?

⁓ Yeah, leave a comment. If you think we're bat shit crazy, let us know. Also don't be afraid to go to YouTube, okay? YouTube's there. It's ready for you. I got a you know, a Mac not too long ago. We have better video. The video's getting better and better. So throw it on in the back. Watch it with your friends, make a new friend, watch our podcast. You know What are our red flags? Tell us. ⁓ also leave a review.

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